Daily Archive for October 29th, 2008

The Safe Five

Published on October 29, 2008 in Morton's Pride and PTSD. 2 Comments

In the ninth grade we had to have a note from home allowing sex education classes. I never got one of those notes. I never took that class but I did take basic Health instead. In one session we talked about mental illness then watched a show about Schizophrenia. I recall the teacher breaking us into groups of 5 and telling us that 1 out of 5 people would suffer from some form of mental illness in their lifetime. She always broke us into groups to explain statistics such as this. We were in groups to determine who would be pregnant before they were ready. We were in groups to determine who would have AIDS, who would have another type of STD, so on and so forth. I recall thinking, what if my group is actually the 5 that will not be affected by these things? My thinking was, I’m in the safe five because I’m not going down that path. I’m in the safe five because I’ll watch my association. I’ll do what I know I should do and what is right instead of simply falling in line.

Even at a young age I refused to be a statistic. I saw better for myself even then. In the middle of horror I saw better for myself. I try to think about this drive I had early on when I’m up late like now thinking what a waste I’ve become. Drive, determination and focus got me through unmentionable things. That little person was one tough cookie. I can’t help but smile at my young self sometimes.

I need once again the spark that separates me from the sheep.

Joan of Arc

The Safe Five-Wednesday, October 29, 2008-1:49AM EST

Intoxicated

Published on October 29, 2008 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Relationships and Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: .

I’m not afraid to love but I am afraid to be loved. For some reason that phrase has played in my head for the last hour or so.

In other news Princess Fife (deep sigh) is at it again. This time she asked her father King Fife if she could have one of my, yes my little space heaters. King Fife asked me and I said no. He said, “Those are my heaters.” I told him that technically they are his heaters but they’re under my care until I move so no, she can’t have one. He said I can’t use 4 at one time. I told him that’s not the point. If she wants a heater she can go buy herself one. He looked rather shocked. I added that he may not be able to tell her no but I sure can. I wanted to sing song the word no but I resisted the temptation. I also barely held back a small victory dance made special for the no-no song.

Later in the evening I walked into the kitchen and King Fife turned his back to me. There was a sting of pain because it was obvious he’s upset. I said, “Are you not talking to me?” he said, “That’s right.” Continue reading ‘Intoxicated’