Perhaps I just like the colour red and that’s why I don’t run when I see red flags! Oh look red…me like red.
Is this a red flag or is it my own fears because I know I recently got out of a relationship with someone who has this disorder. First let me say, this will be offensive to people who have Bipolar disorder. What I’m about to say may sound harsh and I’d be offended if someone said this about DID. So please, I apologize because I know this is offensive. I need to say it though…..
In addition to the Borderline traits of Blossom she is also an un-medicated Bipolar. She was so hard to live with and deal with because of the Borderline but once you add mania to it she became unbearable. She was manipulative, spiteful, petty, underhanded and sometimes down right cruel. She’s a small little child in an adult body. Then toss a serious under managed disorder in there and you’ve got yourself a homicide defense. She made me so angry sometimes and so confused. I never knew what to expect. Now I find out Chi is Bipolar One and I think to myself, well fuckin-A. Yes, that’s right, that’s exactly what I thought. Fuckin-A!!
When she told me I said, “Um, I asked you about this. That’s the very first thing I asked you.” I suppose that makes all the other answered questions null and void. Argh!!! She said she knows Blossom and she’s not Blossom. She said she takes her medication. She holds a job. She’s a home owner and a responsible person. So what am I afraid of? I’m afraid of Bipolar Disorder. I do not ever wish to deal with another Blossom again.
I guess what I have to remember is the mix of Borderline and Bipolar is what made Blossom such a terrible partner. That girl had a way of picking you apart then leaving you to scab…then you feel guilty for having the nerve to scab up over all her hard work. I guess with this shock I need to catch my breath then do nothing. I want to run when I hear the diagnosis Bipolar but at this time I’m going to act contrary to my fears. I don’t really see red flags. I’m more afraid of what I’ve been through than what is in front of me. I’ve not seen her out of control nor have I seen her behave in a vicious manner but that B word scares me. It really does.
I’ll see her again later this evening. I don’t know….I just don’t know. I told her, “Yah know, this kinda changes things.” She said, “Really?” Uh, yeah, it does. She doesn’t know I have DID. That may change things some more. Oh this is going so well….but I won’t panic. We’re still getting to know one another. We’re still in the “should we” stage.
In the “should we” stage of things I’m wearing Victoria’s Secret perfume. Uh huh, that’s right!!! I’m turning myself on…….
Turn And Run or Stay and Observe?-Friday, October 31, 2008-6:57PM EST
Hmmm, I can’t blame you for wanting to run. I once had a friend who was very inconsistent about taking her meds for Bipolar Disorder. She was unbearable at times: obnoxious, cruel–well, a lot of the things you describe in Blossom.
Years later she finally began taking her meds responsibly. She was much easier to be around, though at times could still use words as weapons. I don’t know how much of that was being Bipolar, and how much was just her personality.
You do well to pause, but I think it’s also good that you’re not coming to a screeching halt at this point.
Chi is right about one thing: she’s not Blossom, and she shouldn’t have to pay for Blossom’s crimes against you.
Just my two cents, for what it’s worth.
…I don’t know girl. I just don’t know. I’m blown away right now and I’m dog sick. I’m so damn tired of being sick.
Speaking of dogs, Ladybird is back to sleeping with me. She’s so sweet. Also, the pups eyes are starting to open. She’s all fat and sassy. LOL She lapped water from my hand today. She just turned 2 weeks yesterday. She even lifted her head and barked at me. I had to laugh at the little squirt.
Austin
OK, one question:
Did she tell you the truth about this the first time you asked about it? From your post it sounds to me like you asked SPECIFICALLY about certain things. From reading your blog I would imagine that this is how you would be, direct, up front.
If you asked directly–do you have any major mental illness or diagnosis I need to know about? and she did not tell you the truth at that point–I would say, stop right here. Don’t go any further.
I don’t know about you but I am not gonna start ANY involvement with someone who doesn’t tell the truth up front. That is just asking for trouble.
That’s strong, I know, but this old broad believes in what Maya Angelou said: when someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time…
hugz
wily
….observe or run?
Run. I’ve decided to run.
Was it Wily’s comment or something else that made you run? I’m with Wily - if you specifically ask about something and they don’t tell you, that is cause for concern. It’s the reason I laid it all on the line with my husband pretty quick after we were dating. I told him all the uglies and said “take it or leave it” - then he couldn’t say “well I didn’t know….” later on. I like the up front approach like you.
I decided to “run” because she and I have no history that would warrant giving her a chance to mend a lie this big. After thinking about it I concluded that the interview we did with one another meant nothing and I wasn’t able to rely on her answers anymore. The very first question I asked her was answered with a lie. The very first question was the most important one when it came to mental health.
I think I’m kind of sad about not getting to hug her like before. I really liked those hugs dang it!!!! Maybe after a bit the hurt will die down and I can hug her as a friend and not feel angry with her. It’s just right now I’m angry because we went months upon months like this then to find out felt like I was hit in the face with a brick. The way I found out was wrong, wrong, wrong which may also be part of the hurt. I haven’t spoken with her since that evening. She was going so fast she made a crack head look like an 80 year old with a walker..it wasn’t good.
Austin