Monthly Archive for October, 2008

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Leaflets

Published on October 28, 2008 in Art and Art Therapy. 0 Comments

I know I’ve got about 25 different drawings completed this week of little children with leaves for hair. I figure when I seem obsessed with one particular image it means there’s something I need to process out. Right now I’m focused on kids with leaves for hair. Most of them are girls, a few are boys and maybe 5 or 6 are adult women.

None of them are smiling. I usually don’t put smiles on my drawings. Most of them have their eyes closed and most of them are singles. Only 2 or 3 have more than one girl in the drawing. I guess what’s interesting to me as well is these were all done in pencil. I hardly ever use a pencil for sketches. I use black gel pens. These pencil drawings were so light I had to work my butt off to get them to show up on the scanner. So, whatever it is I’m attempting to process out via art work is something I’d rather keep at a whisper. That’s what I think anyway. Usually my strokes are well defined and it’s not hard at all to scan them. You don’t have to get in bright light to see the lines nor do you have to have 20/20 sight to make out the image but with many of what I’m calling “Leaflets” you do.

There are three that I’ve uploaded and all three of them have digital alterations. The other two are here.

Austin

Baby Blue

Published on October 27, 2008 in Art Therapy, PTSD and Secrets and Confessions. 1 Comment

I know I didn’t smile a lot as a child. I never saw the point of plastering on a smile for show. I hope my sister can forgive me for thinking she was weak because she always fell in line. Maybe she doesn’t even know because she was too busy smiling big and bright…still, her eyes were as black as mine.

The three drawings together are called Leaflets because in the original drawings the hair is drawn as leaves.

Crazy Lives Here

Published on October 27, 2008 in Depression, Mental Health and PTSD. 9 Comments

I just got finished telling a friend not to be so hard on herself during this rough time but you know what? I’m a hypocrite. I laid in bed last night tearing myself a new one for the difficulties I’ve had as of late. I usually go through a period where I think I can’t do anything right and everything I touch gets broken or messed up. I know to leave things alone and let that spell fizzle down. It always does but it’s terrible waiting and feeling like such a failure. During these times I think to myself, “Your house is a mess. Why can’t you keep it clean?” I think, “You’re such a pig. You’re worthless you know that?” I really say horrible things to myself. I find at times I’m grateful I live alone so no one can see how “sick I am” cause if they came here regularly they’d be able to look at my things and know this is one messed up woman. I figure it’s obvious, plane as day, written on the walls that the occupant is crazy. I’m just happy not a lot of people come here.

If people could see the way I fret at night. If they could see me pace back and forth through the apartment. If they could watch me hold my head or rock back and forth they’d feel pity and then I’d feel bad. I’d want to apologize for being crazy. Continue reading ‘Crazy Lives Here’

DREAM: Shoes and the Upper Room

Published on October 26, 2008 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dreams and Morton's Pride. 2 Comments

I was in that same shopping mall I’ve had dreams about for years. The mall in my dream has stores in it that aren’t in the real mall. It’s also much larger and has a hidden floor with discarded metals such as antique brass and badly scratched silver. There’s an old trombone sitting amongst antique kitchen utensils as well as a huge pile of rusted knives at least 70 to 80 years old. That area is dark, to get to it you must climb through a very small opening in the ceiling of a second hand store, the shoe department to be more specific. This part of the dream always plays out the same. The items are the same, the lay out is always the same. Last night was no different.

After I left that part of the store I traveled through the electronics to the other shoe department. There was a huge sale but the shoe department looked like someone had come through and tossed shoes everywhere. None of the shoes matched. I moved to a third shoe department but all the shoes there were too small. There was a pair of Nike Air Jordan’s (white with MJ on the side) as well as several other name brand shoes that had some sort of irregularity. I don’t wear white tennis shoes so I didn’t consider any of them but I noticed all the shoes, even the black high tops and dark blue high tops had some sort of noticeable irregularity and they were all way too. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Shoes and the Upper Room’

TV With Aussie

Published on October 26, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 3 Comments Tags: .

I hate to brag (that’s not true) but today I had fried green tomatoes along side my pork chop dinner. Uh huh, that’s right, fried green tomatoes. I had to resist the urge to watch the movie Fried Green Tomatoes while eating them. I did watch one of my favorite movies though, The Village. It’s kinda corny but I like it.

I know y’all all just have to know how I feel about the old shows and the new CBS line up so let me give you a run down. We’ll start with the old shows first.

I’m still a huge fan of Numbers, CSI and Without A Trace. CSI is the best show on television but I hope they don’t spend an entire season mourning Warrick. The thing about Warrick is he sadly couldn’t keep himself sober so he lost his job. They had to kill him off the show which is how we got the new girl Riley. I have no opinion of her yet. I love the science of CSI as well as the characters so even if I don’t like her I’ll still watch the show.

Cold Case – It’s good to see the producers gave their lead female some colour. For a bit there it looked like she’d never seen the sun thus her serious vitamin D deficiency. I usually enjoyed the show but I had a difficult time with how dark it was and how dead they made the characters look. It’s good to see they paid their light bill and gave their actress some milk. Continue reading ‘TV With Aussie’

DREAM: Discarded and Overlooked

Published on October 25, 2008 in Borderline Personality Disorder and Dreams. 0 Comments

The three of us were at the airport at an extended lay over. We decided to get a hotel room so we could relax while waiting. At the hotel I got lost trying to find my way back to our room. I went to the 23rd floor instead of the 22nd floor. In order to get to the right floor I had to go through a mall, up an escalator, down another, up a flight of stairs and then through a crowd of people waiting to use the restroom. I finally reached the 23rd floor and got to the hotel room.

The mother had unpacked all our bags and decided what she wanted to leave or take. She left all my candles behind as well as my ID and much of my clothing. The candles sat around the room, the clothing was neatly laid on the bed in piles but the ID was on a clip hanging in the closet. The closet door was open. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Discarded and Overlooked’

In General

Published on October 24, 2008 in For the Record, Pets, Relationships and Therapy. 1 Comment

Ladybird is gaining weight and doing better but she’s not producing anymore milk so I’m bottle feeding Halo. Somehow Ladybird broke her dew claw so she’s recovering from that. Lord have mercy on this puppy.

Fife Jr will move out tomorrow but he’s leaving his 3 month old puppy Brody here with me. He’s paying me weekly to care for him as well as paying for food for Ladybird and buying formula for Halo. Not bad.

I’ll miss the eye candy that is Fife Junior but I will not miss some of the drama he brings home. It’ll be nice when it’s just the drama of me and Senior again.

Fife Senior raised the rent but said I could stay since Junior and his sister will share a house for the next 7 months. That means for the next 7 months I’ll be here. Continue reading ‘In General’