The three of us were at the airport at an extended lay over. We decided to get a hotel room so we could relax while waiting. At the hotel I got lost trying to find my way back to our room. I went to the 23rd floor instead of the 22nd floor. In order to get to the right floor I had to go through a mall, up an escalator, down another, up a flight of stairs and then through a crowd of people waiting to use the restroom. I finally reached the 23rd floor and got to the hotel room.
The mother had unpacked all our bags and decided what she wanted to leave or take. She left all my candles behind as well as my ID and much of my clothing. The candles sat around the room, the clothing was neatly laid on the bed in piles but the ID was on a clip hanging in the closet. The closet door was open.
Continue reading ‘DREAM: Discarded and Overlooked’
Ladybird is gaining weight and doing better but she’s not producing anymore milk so I’m bottle feeding Halo. Somehow Ladybird broke her dew claw so she’s recovering from that. Lord have mercy on this puppy.
Fife Jr will move out tomorrow but he’s leaving his 3 month old puppy Brody here with me. He’s paying me weekly to care for him as well as paying for food for Ladybird and buying formula for Halo. Not bad.
I’ll miss the eye candy that is Fife Junior but I will not miss some of the drama he brings home. It’ll be nice when it’s just the drama of me and Senior again.
Fife Senior raised the rent but said I could stay since Junior and his sister will share a house for the next 7 months. That means for the next 7 months I’ll be here.
Continue reading ‘In General’
I’ve been off line for two days due to PC issues. I’m working on it though. I’ll return ASAP.
Austin
I want to apologize. I don’t have to I guess but I want to. I keep saying it but I don’t really mean to. I know it sounds stupid cause he asks why I’m sorry but I don’t have an answer. I’m just sorry.
When I left his office today he asked me a question and I responded as if he were a family member. “Yes sir.” It sounds really stupid.
I get quiet in his office and I want to put my head on my knees and hide my face and simply disappear into myself. I go away so quickly when the subject of the mother comes up. I can say she was wrong but when someone else says it I think to myself, okay this is a trick don’t fall for it. I’m afraid he knows her and he tells her things but I mean come on that’s not true…that’s the mother talking. She’s the one that said she has people watching me and that she knows everything I do. She’s the one that said she’s in my head and everything is open and nakedly exposed to her. But this isn’t true…I hope it’s not true….. I mean, I guess part of me knows it not true.
I have to go to sleep and then I have to go back to therapy tomorrow. Maybe I can sleep after that too. I should sleep. I should do that.
They made us a picture. The little boy is running through some water.
Renea
Wednesday, October 22, 2008-01:24AM EST
The last time she just showed up at my house I thought to myself, I’ve got to protect all of us. I have to change my appearance and make myself look like a guy. I thought looking like a guy would help Morton stay forward. The mother knows Morton by name she’s not going to mess with him. So we completely shaved our head bald, put on army pants and a green T-shirt and were as masculine as can be until it felt safe enough to go back to being us. The woman showed up on my door step Christmas Eve just out of the blue….completely out of the blue.
If the mother is going to try and contact me it’s going to be between the months of October and December.
Continue reading ‘Snowball Effect’
What do you get when a 10 month old puppy gives birth to 10 puppies? You get 1, only 1 puppy that survives and a bitch that may not. That is what you get. You get a situation that turns horribly ugly in the blink of an eye. Other than that I have nothing more to say.
I’ll be back when I can
*comments are off*
At 6:09PM EST Ladybird had her first pup, a brown and white male. At 6:24PM EST she had a brown and white girl. At 6:31PM a brown and white male who needed some assistance breathing. After I got her breathing Ladybird cleaned and nursed until 6:54PM at which time she struggled to give birth to a black and white male. She rested for a bit but not too long because along came more and more each more difficult than the last. I felt so sorry for her. Now she’s done and has 8 beautiful puppies all nursing well and very vocal.
While I have pride in my girl for being such a trooper and champ I still would like to offer my standing erect middle finger to the irresponsible person who failed to spay her. You let this happen to my girl but you’re not here to pat her on the back for a job well done nor will you be here when I struggle to find homes for 8 puppies. Thanks again for your irresponsible pet ownership.
Grandmama out ——
Austin
PS. When I walked back into the room after typing this she had puppy number nine. I need to talk to the vet to see when it’s safe and healthy for her to be spayed. It’s only $30 at FACE Indianapolis and that’s where I’ll have it done. They’re good people there. They did both my cats.
PS2 10:55PM Puppy #10. I think she’s done. I even got video of the last one 
Spay/neuter, inoculate, tag
Therapy Topics
Puppies
More puppies, responsibility
Lupus
The jackass Fife Jr
Black mask
Hands above head
I’m too scared to write it
Short Shopping Trip
Lady Friend: You’re usually happy and smiling, what’s wrong with you? I said hi and you kept on going.”
Me: That’s because I was ignoring you.
Lady Friend: “What’s wrong with you.?”
Me: Nothing much, I’m okay.
Lady Friend: Well you don’t have to depress everyone around you with your sour puss.
Me: (no comment offered. I turn and wave to Chi)
Lady Friend: You think you had a bad day, I went to the doctor and instead of taking 2 viles of blood they took 11. Do you think…..
Me: Let me interrupt you for a second
Lady Friend stops talking
Me: I don’t care.
Lady Friend: My God you’re evil today. You need to take these cookies and go home.
Me: That’s exactly what I’m about to do if you just stop talking and ring me up.
Lady Friend: Damn woman!
Note: This is the same girl I wrote about while ago that told me I stink and asked me if I was going to support her financially.
In the cookie isle a complete stranger said to me, “I guess this is the Big Girl isle.” … deep sigh…. “I said, miss, please don’t make me talk about your teeth.” Why are people so damn stupid?
Arriving Home
Fife Jr is on the porch. I feel my blood pressure rising. I think to myself, the last time I felt this uncomfortable in my own home Blossom was here.
Yes, I am slightly annoyed about every little thing right now. All I want to do is eat spaghetti and watch a bit of TV, that’s all, nothing else, not a damn thing.
J of A
Ladybird still hasn’t had these pups. She’s so big she can hardly walk. It’s sad to see her this way. In other dog news Fife Jr brought his puppy here. He’s a sweet boy but I never expected to have Fife Jr. move then ask me to care for his puppy while he’s gone for FREE. I said no to the for free part. He has to pay me. I think he forgets I’m not running a zoo here. Ladybird is going to pop out Lord knows how many puppies so I’ll have the Mama and her pups plus Fife’s pups, two cats, a fish and two yellow spotted Gecko to care for. Give me a break here for real cause I am not a zoo keeper. This is going to cost him out the ass. Brodey is an outside dog which bothers me greatly. He’s only 4 months old which in my opinion is too young to hang outside unsupervised all day and all night. He’s not housetrained so he sure can’t come in here. Gracious.
Continue reading ‘My Life The Soap Opera’
Monday my doctor asked me if you ever gave me anything out of love. Love? There was fire in my eyes when he used that word. I have not once felt loved by another human being, especially not by you. I remember feeling like I destroyed your life. I remember feeling like a burden to you. I remember asking you how it felt to have a handicapped child. I also remember the look in your eye and that you offered no answer at all. Perhaps you knew most of what I experienced you put in my head. I don’t know. I felt like such a burden. I apologized for it so many times, not out loud but in my heart. I’m so sorry. I am so sorry. My heart was heavy with guilt and I didn’t even know what I was doing to make things so difficult. I racked my brain, I swear I did but I never came up with one single answer all I knew was I destroyed your life. I also knew I was responsible for keeping what was left of you alive.
Continue reading ‘Letters Home: A Personal Savior’
survivors
Multiple Personality Disorder
women
Sexual abuse
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