Monthly Archive for November, 2008

Shoulda Gone For Loud

Published on November 30, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 2 Comments

I was trying to be quite. It’s 2AM and Fife Senior is sleeping. Here’s how being quite played out…..I’ve got pizza in my hand and I’m headed back to my area. I knocked a pan to the floor. Of course it bounced a hundred times before the final spin and settle. I picked it up and dropped my freshly made pizza on the floor. A few curse words slipped out in a not so silent way. I got two more slices and headed through the laundry room back to my area but on the way I bumped into the washing machine. The lid slammed shut so hard it surely was heard 3 states over.  I’m almost home, just a few quiet steps more but nope….. I pretty much fell through my door into my apartment. Thank goodness the pizza stayed on my plate. I think I should call it a day.

And….. I think I should stop trying to be quiet. Clearly it doesn’t work for me.

Austin

Morton

Published on November 29, 2008 in Pets. 8 Comments

There’s only one person in my system that can and will over-ride the pain and physically wrestle a dog to the ground that went off on us because of food aggression. He didn’t break Ladybird’s neck nor did he punch or physically harm her. He subdued her and held her down until she stopped squirming. Brody looked at Morton like he was out of his mind but he stayed under the table and didn’t move. Halo was steady chewing at the shoe strings that came un-tied during the scuffle. I said forever but forever stops when a dog decides it’s okay to bite me. She nailed me dead on the arm too. I’ve had enough, really I have. She’s in the crate for the remainder of the evening other than going out to use the restroom. Continue reading ‘Morton’

Fool

Published on November 29, 2008 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotional abuse, Emotions, PTSD and Secrets and Confessions. 0 Comments

I’ve drawn divided faces since I was a child. I can speculate as to why but come on, as inner conflict is the obvious reason. Is it because I have DID that I draw divided faces? That may play into it but I’m human and inner conflict comes with the territory.

One thing I will say is, usually (not necessarily in this case) but usually when I divide them they have a clown-like appearance.  That I can honestly attribute to growing up and feeling like a total fool. “Don’t make this into a circus act” she’d say in reference to crying. “Don’t make a fool of yourself” she’d say in reference to some normal activity that little girls do. Fool, it’s the word that haunts me more than any I can think of.

This was sketched in session using a regular number 2 pencil as well as green, yellow and blue PRANG coloured pencils.

Continue reading ‘Fool’

On Painting and DID

Published on November 29, 2008 in Art, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Morton's Pride. 3 Comments

Several of us paint. You know what’s hard about painting and DID? Some of us know how to use the programs and others of us don’t. If I start a digital painting one day I need to finish it that day because there’s no guarantee when I’ll be back out. The painting could be left unfinished for who knows how long. The other thing is, even if someone else wanted to finish the painting they may not know how to use the programs or know where I was going with a particular piece. Each of us that paints digitally will attempt to finish the painting in a day (one sitting) because we don’t know when we’ll be back around to finish it. We paint almost with a sense of urgency, or as if it’s the last painting we’ll ever do.  Continue reading ‘On Painting and DID’

New Work- Jacob, Future King

Published on November 28, 2008 in Art. 1 Comment

http://www.sundrip.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/jacob-3.jpg

Art title: Jacob, Future King

This is best when viewed larger so click this image.

See full painting and other details here.

Damned If Ya Do

Published on November 28, 2008 in Abuse, Pets, PTSD, Soapbox and Therapy. 1 Comment

…. damned if you don’t so it goes with my therapist. I’d be upset if he didn’t call but I’m annoyed that he called me 5 times in 3 days. I mean come on, do you need to call me that much? Don’t make me block your office number.  I’ll do  it, I swear I will. Tuesday morning my phone rang and I thought to myself, “Oh hell no, that better not be Dr. D.” I wasn’t sure if it was because I refused to get out of bed to look at the caller ID. When I finally got up later that day yup, it was him. I had a flash of anger when I heard the phone ring. I knew it was him. I felt so…..?????? I don’t know, like he was in my space. Continue reading ‘Damned If Ya Do’

Touch

Published on November 26, 2008 in Abuse, Pets and Relationships. 1 Comment

It occured to me yesterday that for someone that doesn’t like to be touched all the time and who needs a lot of alone time I’ve been touched constantly and haven’t had any real alone time in over a month. If the dogs aren’t crawling on me the cats are. When I put the dogs up it’s kitty time. They certainly need a rest from all the wagging tails as do I.

I also have to admit I am a bit resentful at how my everyday life has changed since Brody got here. Ladybird doesn’t chew my stuff so I didn’t have to do much puppy proofing. With Brody I had to put up all my dolls because he was jumping to get at them. I dont’ like that. I like being able to see them. I don’t even touch them or take them off the shelf (the ones in the living room) but seeing them is comforting to me….besides, they’re mine and I don’t like having to put them up so he won’t chew them again. Continue reading ‘Touch’