Why am I afraid of the big bad wolf? Because the big bad wolf left teeth marks on my soul. That is why I’m afraid of my mother.
I’m afraid because the child in me, the little girl in this grown strong woman still needs that mother wolf. Part of me doesn’t trust that I won’t throw myself in front of her to once again be devoured. I am afraid of her and I am afraid of myself.
I am no longer a child but I remember the bite. I’m no longer a child but I remember how it felt to be “nipped” in the same spot until it was tender to the touch.
In the middle of the black forest I walk with one small torch desperately searching for the stream which leads me back to safety. It is surely just ahead. Just ahead too I see the eyes of one snarling animal waiting behind the trunk of a hundred year old tree. I think of my inner strength. I think of how I’m big now I can fight and maybe even win. I keep walking but I can feel the eyes. And I can feel the past come so quickly and steal my confidence like a thief. I can feel it. I can feel it.
This is why I am afraid. Not only have I been bitten by the mother, I’ve been tossed to other wolves, handed over as if I were food to be consumed and passed to the next to pick over what is left. Day after day the flesh which remains remembers and grieves.
Art title: Hungry V2. The other versions of this piece can be see on my Art therapy blog here.
Why Am I Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?- Sunday, November 16, 2008 – 2:11PM EST
That’s it exactly: the little ones inside of us aren’t grown and strong, they’re back in that scary place in which our mothers abandoned us, after having preyed on us and allowed others to do the same.
I get a bit weary of advice regarding my mother coming to town . . the assurances that I’m an adult now, I’m no longer at her mercy, etc. That’s not the point. My younger selves feel as if they’re still at her mercy.
I know I couldn’t get my sister to understand this, and so I’m sure she’s puzzled as to why it’s such a big deal to me if I catch a glimpse of our mother.
The Big Bad Wolf is coming to town, and I don’t care what disguise she dresses herself in, she’s the same being who tore me to shreds and then sat grinning with blood dripping from her big ugly teeth.
My heart goes out to both of you on this…
I wish I could send out clones to do my “take down of the nasty parents” bit for both of you…I’m pretty good at it…I’m the gun for hire among my circle of friends to bring to the family dinner or unavoidable encounter with the abuser/narcissist…
Sending care and compassion to both of you
wily