The People Behind My Eyes

“Please don’t look at me that way.”
“What way?”
“With that look of anger and disappointment followed by silence.”

I told Fife Senior I’d rather he do what his daughter did earlier than to have a look followed by the cold shoulder. He’s given me the cold shoulder before.

“Are you angry with me? You can tell me if you are. I can take it.” As I said it I thought to myself, that’s not true. I can’t take it. I hope he’s not angry with me. He waited for a second then said, “I’m not really angry at anyone. I just want you guys to stop arguing and fighting.” I wanted to add, “But Daddy I it wasn’t my fault. It was Princess Fife, it was her. I was a good girl.” Since he actually said what was on his mind without joking or avoiding me I figured I’d just validate and let it go.

I was to see Fife Junior one week ago. He was to bring food and money for his dog. He never showed up. I called him and got one returned phone call. He said he’s be here the very next day. He never showed up. Food for the dogs got really low and there was no money to buy more. I started to fret so I called his sister who he is currently living with. She didn’t return my phone calls. The food got even lower so that I had to start thinking, who do I feed and who goes hungry? Then Princess Fife (PF) called me last night around 8PM screaming at me for calling her. She said it’s not her responsibility to pass along messages to her brother and that I’m being insensitive to his situation.

PF gave a long drawn out explanation about how she’s had a headache and didn’t return my calls earlier in the week because of them. She said her son’s birthday was the very day she decided to call me back and it was wrong for me to expect her to call me back. I told her to wait a week with no returned phone call means I had a full week with no information at all. I told her she could have made a quick phone call to tell me either she doesn’t want to get involved enough to pass along a message for Junior to call me OR she could say she’ll see what she can do. It could have been that simple. When I said that she started cursing and saying this was all bullshit. From there I told her she might want to consider that this entire week she’s gotten my messages she’s had time to get angrier and angrier. She chose to call me on her son’s birthday. She had a week to return that phone call. To call on his birthday was her choice. More cursing. Finally I told her she might want to grow up and control herself. That’s when fuck you, you stupid bitch came into play. She yelled and screamed and cursed. I believe she got angrier and angrier when I didn’t yell back. I didn’t feed her rage or simply fall in line like the rest of her family does. After she cursed and cursed some more she simply hung up the phone. Seconds later Senior’s phone rang and she started screaming at him.

Long story short he told her there’s a dog in the yard that needs to be fed and I can’t do it which is why I was calling. When I couldn’t’ get a hold of Junior I called her. He told her I was concerned about feeding them is all. Then she asked him to take care of the dog. Surprise, surprise he said “no.” He didn’t offer any explanation as to why he simply said “no.” Heck yeah, it’s about time!!!!!

Basically this is all my fault for asking Junior to do what he said he’s going to do. I told Senior that I’m tired of chasing Junior down. I had to chase him to get a dog house for his dog. I had to chase him to get a blanket for him, food, a collar and now again food and vet care. When I said this to Princess Fife she replied, “We all have to chase my brother down.” No, we all don’t. I don’t. I fully expect him to come through with what he said he will do.

Here’s the thing. The longer they waited to call me back the more angry I became. The longer she waited to call me back the angrier she became. By the time she did call she was explosive. A simple phone call earlier in the week could have solved all of this …. Or had I simply said no in the beginning like I wanted to I might not be in this situation. Two voices used too late and here we are.

I told Senior since he’s over their house at least once per week it might be possible to simply bring back an envelope of money so I can buy the dogs some food and then Junior doesn’t have to worry about finding time to come through with caring for his dog. Junior and Princess are aware that Junior’s dog can not stay here. They have to find somewhere for him to go immediately. I will not fall into their family’s dynamic of don’t rock the boat, just follow Princess Fife’s trail of aggression paved with narcissism.

Aggressive and Silenced Voices - Thursday, November 20, 2008-2:44AM EST