Accessory To Murder – A Tale of Two Friends

Last night when I couldn’t sleep I entertained myself by fantasizing about the death of one very cruel woman who insists upon hurting my friend. Here’s how it all went down.

(posted with permission from my accessory)

T’was midnight in my breezy city and all were tucked in sleeping save me and the two voices next door arguing. Earlier in the year I set up a small observation center in the corner of the room which allows me to eavesdrop on said neighbor with ease. I ran to the Ops Area and heard an old withered up voice yelling to my young princess neighbor. “How dare she” I thought as I pressed my eye closer to the scope. Knowing my services were needed I grabbed my red duffel bag and rifle and headed over to her apartment.

I didn’t even bother to knock on the door, for I’d made a key when the neighbor was out of town last week. Bursting through the door I yelled to the Old Witch, “What’s wrong with you witch?” The enchanted Princess inquired, “How did you get another key? I thought I told you to stop breaking in to my apartment?”

“Never mind the key”, I says, “Who is this Old Witch with the foul breath who dost blow stink about your palace?”

“It’s my mother, and why are you talking like that? Get out of here. This is none of your business!” Just then the Enchanted Princess jumped on poor pitiful Aussie and stole her riffle with the silencer. Do not fret dear readers for this was all part of the plan.

“Who is this person?” said the witch, “Are you hanging with ruffians now?”

“Shut your mouth mother I’ve had more than enough of you.”

“Don’t tell me to shut up little girl.” said the witch.

“Oh hell no! Shoot her ass! Don’t let her talk to you like that. Shoot .her .ass. now!”

“Be quiet, I can’t think” said the Enchanted One.

“She’d never shoot me.”

“Oh hell yes she would. Shoot her! Pull the trigger. Blam, just like that and she’s gone from our lives.

“Our? She’s not in “our” lives, she’s in mine. I keep telling you to stop stalking me. This is MY life. There is no “our”. I’m calling the police.

“But dearest Enchanted One I beg for your ear just this once. If you were to shoot her, shoot her dead, the whole Kingdom could live happily ever after.”

“Hmm, this is true. I’ve waited a long time for a house to fall on her like in the Wizard of Oz but alas that hasn’t happened.”

“You’d think in this economy there’d be plenty of houses available to fall on her.” Said I.

“I couldn’t even get the stock market to fall on her.” Said the Princess

“So I guess our only, I mean your only option is to shoot her.”

Bam, bam, bam.

“Oh my God, you shot her.”

“You told me to shoot her. ”

“But I didn’t think you’d really do it.”

“Is she dead? ”

“I’m not sure.” With a stick I began to poke the old hag’s body which was cold before she was even dead. “Yup, she’s gone.”

What do we do now?”

“You want some popcorn?” the Princess suggested? “The Alfred Hitchcock marathon is about to start.” She headed for the kitchen and fumbled through the cupboards. “I can’t find the popcorn, will pretzels do?” she yelled to me.

“The popcorn is in the top cabinet behind your saltines. I put them there the last time I was your accessory to murder.”

Then we all lived happily ever after

The end

I slept well after that.

Accessory To Murder – A Tale of Two Friends by Austin over here at Sundrip