DREAM: Half Born and Deformed

The dream started with me in the kitchen area of the house I now live in. I messed around in the kitchen as Bella watched a mouse slowly die in an overturned trap. Her mouth was watering, her eyes large and evil. Then I saw three other cats in the kitchen that I didn’t know. They seemed to know Bella and she seemed to know them. They kept as far away from me as possible while still letting me see them. It appeared they came in each evening through a side door to Fife’s sitting room and roamed the house freely as Fife and I slept. In all there were 4 cats I didn’t know plus my two cats.

Fife came home and all 6 cats were in the kitchen with me. I immediately told him only two were mine and I had no idea where they came from. He asked if my girls had litters. I reminded him both are spayed. He kept telling me they all had to go. I walked away to go back to my area of the house. As I did I heard loud agonizing screams coming from my bedroom which ended up being a bedroom from a different part of my life.

It’s been a long time since I had a dream about deformed cats and half born animals multiplying once they breach. I guess my “dry” streak is over for such things. As I entered the room my dog Brody (an 8 month old male boxer mix) lay on my bed screaming as he gave birth through his belly button. I was in shock because the dog is male and having puppies but even more I was concerned about his pain level and helping deliver the pups. I dropped everything I was doing with the cats and began pulling the first pup out of Brody’s now fully opened belly.

The bed he was a twin bed and in the room I had in the second grade. The bed was surrounded by torn and broken down boxes. I asked him how on earth he could have pups and he told me the person that impregnated him did so through his rectum. I stopped asking questions. The first pup came out and he asked if the pup was okay. I lied and said yes but in actuality the pup’s ribs were exposed and half of his back was missing, but he wasn’t dead yet. His eyes were fully open and he was looking at me with a little smile on his face. (Welcome to my dreams lads.)

The next two were no better. Then Brody opened up his belly which turned into a gigantic suitcase full of deformed puppies, wooden paint stir sticks and twisted white wire hangers. One by one I pulled out the deformed pups and sat them on a towel. I told Brody nothing. I wanted to get him through labor then tell him none of the pups lived. I didn’t want him to see stark white deformed pups with exposed ribs, no arms or legs or even worse, no face at all with exposed insides. From there I woke up. Thank God.

In dream therapy I’d have to re-write this dream but I don’t know how on earth I’d be able to do that. I’ve got commentary and data, that’s it. Also, I know some of the links are redundant but they’re for me and easy reference when reading back over the entry. So if a link shows up several times know it’s for my personal notes, like must of this blog it’s for my personal notes.

DREAM COMMENTARY:
My therapist and I talked about boxes just the other day. I compared myself and others to them. We also discussed dehumanization and being treated like a dog. I find it interesting that the boxes in this dream were torn and broken down. Also, the second grade is when I really put a lot of effort into making sure I could survive the mother’s torture. The fact that dog gave birth in that bed, in that room to deformed pups around broken down boxes is very significant. A male cannot give birth but this dog (who I am certain symbolizes me) found a way to do the impossible. The pups (innocence) died but he lived.

RECURRENT DREAM THEME:
Deformed cats and dogs, PTSD issues

FEELINGS UPON WAKING:
Desperate, angry, anxious

DREAM: Half Born and Deformed – Sunday, January 18, 2009-5:44PM EST