A recurrent theme in my dreams is cats multiplying or deformed cats. To try and better understand the presence of cats in my dreams I decided to do a bit of research. What I understand a bit better is how much I struggle with powerlessness and individuality. I often felt I didn’t have a choice or that I didn’t exist without my mother.
I know in general the cats represent me but I was uncertain if there was more to the deformation of the newborns. I found only one reference that comes close to my experiences. The Curious Dreamer gave several options for what deformed kittens/puppies may mean but this here seems most appropriate for me:
Deformity: Feeling affected in the area symbolized by the deformed body part (such as a deformed foot representing the feeling less able to make progress in your life)
Kittens/Puppies: Your inner child, playfulness, self-responsibility. The need to take more time for yourself, have more fun, and nurture yourself and your sense of play more. Dreaming of this animal can represent: Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.)
When I dream about deformed newborns the mother gives birth then the newborn multiplies. She gives birth again and that baby multiplies. It splits into another, so on and so forth until there are sometimes hundreds of deformed kittens lying outside in the grass at night. They’re usually on the lawn of the house I lived in during the fourth grade. Most disturbing for me are the faceless kittens. The faceless newborns usually have no body; they’re just a faceless head lying in the grass.
In the dream Half Born and Deformed all the puppies were born deformed. I don’t remember how many pups there were but I do recall one certain cat that had no tail. It turns out this is significant. He was young, had long hair and was solid black. Basically he was a smaller version of Bella. I guess in my rush to type that dream out I forgot to add that detail. So anyway, the cat was walking away from me, that’s when I noticed his tail was gone. When I saw it I thought it was peculiar but I needed to focus on ignoring the happenings around me. This is what Dream Moods says concerning a cat with no tail: “If you see a cat with no tail, then it signifies a loss of independence and lack of autonomy.”
In past dreams and present strong autonomy struggles appear. I become more and more faceless and more and more powerless. In cited above Bella lustfully watched a mouse hang upside down in a trap. He lingered in pain, he just wouldn’t die. I stood at the stove cooking. I went on with my chores as if I didn’t see it. At that very moment it was all about Bella and what she wanted. I felt controlled by Bella’s actions. I felt paralyzed to do anything. I was overwhelmed and disgusted, so much so I needed to push it away and act like I didn’t see it happening. To deny it meant I didn’t have to deal with the horror. At that moment it was all about Bella so I suppose it doesn’t surprise me that a little black cat with no tail walked by. I find that interesting. I have to agree with the above explanation of the cat with no tail.
There’s a huge amount of guilt from when I was a child and felt powerless to help my sister and brother. When I think about this particular dream I am most disturbed by my inaction. I didn’t act to condemn Bella’s perversions or to help ease suffering. In both situations (as a child and in the dream) I felt a loss of power and ability to help myself or anyone else.
Also in the dream I assisted a male dog as he gave birth to stark white deformed puppies and did so without expressing shock. My emotions were very under control despite what was going on around me. That’s exactly how I was as a child. It didn’t matter what happened, I kept a clear head OR went inside my head to pretend everything was okay.
Dream Symbolism and References:
Half Born and Deformed – my dream written out
Dream Moods – cat with no tail
The Curious Dreamer – kittens, puppies, deformities
Feelings after reading and writing:
Anxious, angry. I don’t like the thought of feeling powerless. I think I’m also a bit afraid, sort of freaked out by all of this information.
Self care:
I’m going to step outside and have a glass of water and pet the dog.
Dream Notes: Cats, Kittens, Deformity – Sunday, January 25, 2009-3:05AM EST
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