Shopping wouldn’t be so exasperating if stores didn’t set out to make the experience as difficult as possible. All I want is to get in and get out. I don’t want to spend 90 minutes in the soup isle because I can’t find a simple can of tomato soup. They have 60 different kinds of tomato soup. Tomato soup with shrimp, tomato soup with bacon, with beans, with God only knows what. And finally at the very end of the isle at the very bottom, nearly under the display is a lone can of regular tomato soup. It’s twice as much as soup with a bunch of crap in it. I don’t understand.
In the bread isle they have “wheat bread” next to a loaf simply marked “bread”. Then you’ve got fiber infused bread, 1000 nut bread, whole grains imported from areas not recognized by the United Nations and the white bread that coats your innards like glue. I’m surprised they don’t sell that stuff in the craft isle next to other Elmer’s products. Of course once you get over to the crafts section you’ve got like 30 types of glue to choose from and all the labels look just alike.
We move to the coffee isle and it’s the same thing, a hundred different choices. Can’t I just have regular Folgers? Why is regular Folgers more expensive than the Folgers Cafe with antioxidants and Chinese secrets? It’s coffee people, don’t tell me you’ve added things only the ancient Chinese and your company know. And tea? Well, see, I’m not convinced Wal-mart has the inside scoop on holistic teas so I’m going to skip the Wal-mart brand. My issue with green tea is this, they never say what shade of green do they? Is it mint green, emerald green, greenish-gray? Can we be a little more specific? I’m moving on, forget the 600 types of tea with some shade of green. I’m over it.
I love it when stores try and guilt me into buying things. In the pad isle (yes I’m going there) in the pad isle the fate of the world rests on my purchase. If I buy this brand of pads I can help little girls go to school. If I choose a different product I encourage illiteracy. Come on!!! Since when did a natural occurring body function become a tool for guilt? Or what about this one, buy this product and we’ll feed the hungry. Well dammit I’m hungry. Will I see any portion of this money you’re collecting? No, no I won’t therefore I’m not going to purchase this farce of a product. Moving on…..
So now I’ve got all my items. I’ve denied humanitarian causes and passed the stress test of going up and down their isles. It’s time for the check out. Gracious sakes alive, one cashier for 300 people. The lady in front of me is on the phone, the guy in the back is too. Everyone one around me is on the phone. Oh look, there’s a person not on the phone. Oops, bluetooth. I didn’t see that. I may be the only person in America with no cell phone. I feel less than as I wait and wait and wait until finally it’s my turn. I get up there and the cashier decides to charge me three times for one item. She flicks her call light on and I hear everyone behind me sigh. I’m an object of contempt for something I didn’t even do. This is abuse. It’s abuse I tell you. Overcharge me, guilt me and blame me. All I want to do is go home. Finally I give an arm and a leg and promise my first born for the few groceries I have. I start my car and the fiasco is over….for the week.
God help me. There aren’t enough drugs in the world (legal or illegal) to make shopping easier, not when the store sets out to make it as difficult as possible.
Austin
As Difficult As Possible – Saturday, February 07, 2009 – 3:22AM EST
Precisely why I hate shopping. That and the bill. And don’t even get me started with the cell phones. Me and the eight year-old are the only ones in the house who don’t have cell phones. Who do you think gets stuck with the responsibilty of paying all the bills, though? Not the eight year-old. Sometimes I think I must have ‘chump’ stamped on my forehead. Or else I’m just too easily annoyed. They went over their collective minutes this month. Because of my parents, I have a hard time approaching my kids about things like that because I am afraid I might say the wrong thing and then they might feel scolded and unloved. So… the husband was read the riot act. I don’t understand why things have to be so stupidly expensive. Maybe it’s so we can be offered 300 different kinds of tea when we just want plain old tea?
I *hate hate hate* grocery shopping. I’ve been known to leave a loaded cart in the middle of the store because it’s all been too much for me to handle.
The part about cell phones (hand phones as they’re called in Konglish) that drives me the most batty are the ones owned by some of my 5 year old students. Yes, I did say 5. What the heck does a 5 year old need a cell phone for at school? And why are their phones nicer than mine?
@ KatM
I think the phone is so they can call each other to borrow a crayon.
ring ring ring
Lucy: Hey Kim
Kim: Hey whats up?
Lucy: Can I borrow your red crayon, mine is missing.
Kim: I ate yours, too. Call me back, the teacher’s coming.
The phones are so they can text each other. It’s the new way of passing notes. My 5 year old wants a phone. I told her NO NO NO.
I sent my husband to the grocery store today. It took him twice as long as me, but that’s okay – I got out of it.
A little trick – the plain jane, regular, ordinary items are on the bottom shelf. Where they think you won’t see them.