We were dancing. The only time we felt free to move was when we danced alone. A masked lady asked questions about DID but I had a hard time helping her understand it’s not always obvious when a person switches. She thought every survivor must have DID and that every person who acted out of character must have DID. She told me about a case study where a man who hurt people probably did so because of his disorder. I tried to explain that I knew the case and the man never even implied he had inside people. As we talked small children danced and pretended to have a good time. When the masked women went inside the sun immediately went down and the small children disappeared. I danced with a young man who lived with the masked woman. The only time he moved freely was when he danced alone.
The dream changed from the two of us outside alone on a hill with huge stars in the sky to me naked and being spat on by him and another person. I can’t remember if the other person was male or female. I was soaked from head to food in spit. I got away from them and went inside the house where the mother of the two people was to try and get some clothing and maybe a ride home. The mother was combative and angry about my disorder. I walked around in the house naked and cold until I found a bedroom where I tried to go to sleep. Just then a cab pulled up to take me home. We drove down the street but as we did I saw a young woman dressed in skimpy clothing walking down a dark alley alone. I told the driver if she were raped it would be partly her fault because no one in their right mind walks down a dark road at night in “those kind of clothes” with safety in mind. As I said it the cab turned into a 10 speed bicycle with me giving a ride to the mother of the two children from the house earlier in the dream. She hung on to me from the back.
As we rode down rocky sidewalks and cobble stone streets I was hit with the realization that I didn’t have a spare tire nor did I have a pump in case we got a flat. She told me we could stop and she’d buy me one. I told her I didn’t need her to buy me anything at all. I just wanted to get home. I woke up.
I woke to the smell of cabbage, carrots and smoked sausage.
Commentary:
The first thing that pops to mind is that I felt misunderstood in the dream. I think that’s the DID aspect of it. As usual the dream twists and turns in seemingly unrelated ways. I think it’s interesting that the mother in this dream was only outside during the day and I only felt free from harm at night. Each time I was alone, including when I was naked and being spat upon, it was night outside but as soon as the mother came outside or was part of the dream it was day time. I know the mother in this dream as a family friend. She pops up in my dreams from time to time. What I said about the girl being at fault if she got raped is something my cab driver said to me. It didn’t go over well at all. That was a long time ago though so I have no idea why it came up this afternoon during a nap. Lord, I dream like this even when I take a nap. Jiminy Crickets!
Most of my actions in this dream are totally backwards. I was safer with my mother during the day not night. The family friend was a good mother not one to turn away someone naked and in need. I’d never blame a survivor for being abused. Also backwards is that I drove the bike with the family friend holding on. Usually in my dreams I’m the passenger (like in the cab) with no control where we go or if we stop.
Recurrent Dream Theme:
Changing from day to night back and forth as the dream progresses, transportation changes instantly, I asked for help but didn’t get it.
Feelings Upon Waking:
More tired than when I went to bed. Angry. Withdrawn.
DREAM: Backwards Motion -Wednesday, March 04, 2009 – 10:00PM EST
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