Monthly Archive for March, 2009

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750,000 Enablers

Published on March 13, 2009 in Soapbox and Stupid People. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

In 4 hours Michael Jackson sold 750,00 tickets for his good bye concert.

Translation: In 4 hours 750,000 people turned their heads and willingly ignored the safety of children. In 4 hours 750,00 people told Michael Jackson it’s okay to be a pedophile. Seven-hundred-fifty-thousand people slapped every survivor across the globe in the face. Thanks for that. Have a good time at the concert.

When Chris Brown savagely beat Rhianna his music was ripped off music stations quickly. I was proud that so many took a stand against his violence. Not many are willing to make jokes about this type of domestic violence but when it comes to pedophiles hey, let the jokes fly. I can guarantee you Leno and Letterman will have a field day with child molestation jokes.

Austin

Psychiatric Exam

Published on March 12, 2009 in Depression, Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy. 3 Comments

I had my last psych exam to renew my social security. The exam went just fine but of course transportation was an issue. I had no idea how to get there but I MapQuested it and ended up getting there quite easily. I was suppose to go with Birdie but she flaked on me… should I say lied. I think she forgot she told me when she needs to get out of something she uses the standard excuse that the girls have a half day in school. That’s the excuse she gave me late last night letting me know she wouldn’t be my transportation. So, as I said, I got directions and got there just fine. What I didn’t do was print them out backwards. For most it would seem easy to do the exact opposite of what they did before but it’s not that easy for me to do things backwards. I got lost…. for a good long time.

Continue reading ‘Psychiatric Exam’

To Medical Professionals Lest You Forget

Published on March 11, 2009 in Medical, Mental Health, PTSD and Soapbox. 5 Comments Tags: .

I know very well when I step into certain hospitals my physical health is in good hands but I think you’ve forgotten I’m more than a disease. Today when I walked into the emergency room with a blood clot I did so in one of the best hospitals in the state. I expected to be well cared for physically and I was but one of your techs forgot the a test was being run on a HUMAN BEING. She ran the test like a pro like I’m sure she always does but information didn’t reach her that I’m a rape and incest survivor. Despite the fact that I was very upfront about it that information didn’t make it to the tech that really needed to know it. So, I was wheeled down the hallway to have a Doppler in my leg. She asked if I’d ever had the test done before. Without fully getting the answer out of my mouth she opened my legs and shoved a hand towel in side my underclothes. Her finger nails raked across my vaginal area. She then took a bottle of gel which had been warmed and squirted it on my leg. She took the round tipped Doppler head and ran it over my leg in the gel. Technically that is how the test is run HOWEVER she did not give me half a second to tell her not to put her hands in my pants nor to part my legs. She didn’t give me half a chance to tell her I might be tearful through the entire procedure. She got the point when I lay there sobbing. She was even a bit irritated because I told her not to hold my right leg down as she examined the left. After I was unable to speak at all she realized I wasn’t just some annoying patient demanding this and that for the sake of being demanding. But must we patients be reduced to tears before you realize a test can tell you one thing but the human being it’s being run on can tell you much more. At least wait for the answer and please do not forget your clients have to survive not only the test but the flashbacks that may result. Please don’t make it harder to go in to see you when we really need it. If we know a professional will get the test right but leave us spinning what are the chances we’ll follow a doctor’s orders and come to the emergency room when needed? Think about it, if you’re in the medical profession because you care then it would do you good to remember your clients are more than their body. We are mind and spirit. If you can’t see that then you’ve failed us, you’ve failed us miserably.

I AM MORE THAN A BODY.
I AM MORE THAN MY DISEASE.
YOU HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO SEE ME THAT WAY.
I WON’T SETTLE FOR LESS.

Austin of Sundrip Journals – not just another patient
To Medical Professionals Lest You Forget – Wednesday, March 11, 2009 – 11:08PM EST

Gracie Where Are You?

Published on March 11, 2009 in Depression and Pets. 3 Comments

For several hours yesterday I couldn’t find Gracie. I found her but she gave me quite a scare.

I looked and looked but couldn’t find her. I wondered if she got out but that didn’t make sense at all. Any time she’s wandered onto the porch she realizes she’s out of her safety zone and runs back in. Three hours went by and no Gracie.  I was already tired and emotionally warn out so I just sat on the sofa and put my head down and cried. She’s been here forever it seems so for her to suddenly not be here for hours at a time was heartbreaking. Then across the street at the golf course some animal was getting killed. I knew it wasn’t mating because the sound was only about two shrieks then nothing but rustling. There’s been a coyote in the area for a bit now, it even made the news. I just knew it was Grace. Long story short she was stuck under the bed. She didn’t’ call to me or anything at all for quite some time. I’m not even sure why but she didn’t.

When Brody breaks out I never know if I’ll see him again. It makes it difficult to rely on him. As much as I’m annoyed by Gracie and her spring and summer time antics I can at least rely on her. She’s predictable. When it’s hot she’s angry when it’s cold she’s a love bug. Maybe that’s not the kind of predictability a person wants but for someone who changes identities all the time predictability is accepted in the smallest of forms. I’m happy she’s okay. I don’t know what got eaten last night. I didn’t go look.

We have major thunder storms this evening and lots of power outages in the area. I’m going to curl up in bed and sleep to the sound of the rain. I have therapy tomorrow.

Me

Long Day, Good Day, Bad Body

Published on March 10, 2009 in For the Record and Medical. 1 Comment

Yesterday was quite long. I went to therapy on about three hours of sleep which isn’t that unusual for me. After therapy I went to the park and sat by the creek. It was dead silent of people. The only thing I could hear was water, birds playing in the water and squirrels playing in the leaves. I sat there for a little bit then took a lengthy walk around the park. I visited Chi for a bit then H and B. I came home and took a short nap. That was pretty much my day. It felt long because I didn’t get a lot of sleep.

The night before (Sunday) a friend and I went on a short day trip. I did so knowing full well my body wasn’t up to it. I didn’t care though, I wanted to go. We actually drove past a house I lived in a long time ago as an adult. It didn’t bother me at all because that was one of my stronger times. Man it looked smaller than it did when I lived there. That little tiny town hasn’t grown much.

Body stuff: I’ve got a blood clot in my left leg under my knee and my left side is totally knotted up. My right leg doesn’t have a clot in it but it’s 2 inches larger than the left. Continue reading ‘Long Day, Good Day, Bad Body’

Three Little “Bears” and Seeds

Published on March 9, 2009 in Art and Humor. 2 Comments Tags: .

three-little-bears

It’s been decided that my little mousy bear is a multiple. He’s a bear and a mouse. The toga bear to the right isn’t a multiple, he’s just confused.

the-heart-of-lightThis week end I had a slight moral dilemma. Someone very kind is sending MeMe a gift card and a few well wishes. With the gift card will come sunflower seeds. Do I mail the sunflower seeds to MeMe or keep them for myself? If I keep them what sort of person does that make me?

This is my belief, the well wisher is cruel. Who does that? The gift card is no temptation at all but the seeds? Oh my gosh. I’ve really got to pull from my deepest moral reserves in order to forward the seeds to Dear MeMe. I just wonder though, what was the well wisher thinking? Was this intentional cruelty? Did she set out to test the moral fiber of little ‘ol innocent Aussie? … sigh….I wonder if she’s also going to send a box of peppermint taffy for me to forward. Hey, while she’s at it why not give a gift certificate only good for mint chocolate chip ice cream? Lets just do it up right!!! If I’m goin’ down I might as go down and out with a bang. So listen up dear well wisher, finish this off. Don’t leave me hangin’. I want my taffy and my ice cream and I want it NOW.

I’ll post an update about my moral status and the forwarding of said seeds.

J of A

Is This How She Felt?

Published on March 9, 2009 in For the Record, Mental Health and Pets. 0 Comments

I wonder if this is what my mother meant when she said she couldn’t stand one more second of my sister and I arguing. I wonder if this is what she felt, this frustration, exhaustion and resentment because there is always a fire to put out, always some sort of upset, teasing or rescue situation to deal with. It wouldn’t excuse her behavior but at least I’d know (now I think I do) why she told us time and again if we didn’t stop arguing she’d leave and never come back.

She had a very demanding job, a terrible mother, an impotent father and a hole the size of the Grand Canyon to fill. She also had two little girls raging from abuse who acted out as well as acted their age. She must have been tired and fed up like all mothers get. I don’t just walk out though. I tire easily but I don’t walk out. At least I see an end to the crazy behaviors of my three. At least I know there are certain times when I can handle their behaviors better. I look forward to those times, they make times like these easier. I remember who Grace is when she’s not acting stupid or teasing, fighting and causing an uproar. It seems like if it’s not one it’s the other.

Continue reading ‘Is This How She Felt?’