Last night I had a dream that my mother held one of my dolls and instantly fell in love with it. She didn’t have the money to purchase it right away and asked if she could wait 5 weeks to pay me. I saw how much she liked the doll and agreed. She held it to her chest with a blanket folded over her arm. She looked like a little girl.
The doll she held is one I made that I hope doesn’t sell. If it doesn’t by the time my stimulus payment comes in next month then I’m going to keep her. There’s a certain look that I’m rather drawn to and this one has that look.
In the dream my mother felt love and she went out of her way to have the doll. She couldn’t afford it right then but was willing to put herself out to hold and cherish the doll. The fact that she held the doll I want lets me know in the dream the doll was me.
Continue reading ‘Wanted’
One would think I’d be use to this by now but I’m not. I’m always nervous the night before therapy, tonight is no different. Since about 7pm I’ve run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I made two different dinners. The dog ate the first one cause I decided I didn’t want it. While eating what I kept for myself I thought ya know, Salisbury steak would have been better.
I wanted to take a walk but I also wanted to stay home and clean. I wanted to paint and sew. Decision making seemed nearly impossible. Hours upon hours later and lots of anxiety attacks later it occurred to me that I have clonapin. It’s never my first thought and obviously not my second or third one. I watched the Zurich Golf Tournament, completed 2 paintings, walked the dog twice, washed the dog, made dinner, did laundry and dishes all before I remembered I can take medication to ease my anxiety. I should write myself a note: Drug yourself woman, you have that option.
Here is one painting I did, below is a close up view of the other. The full version of Night Hold can be found here. I finally included my mousy bear in a painting. That’s his little head sticking up.
Art title: Night Hold
Art by: F. Magdalene Austin
if i could i’d buy dolls all the time. i see them and want them real bad. i don’t really know why but i do. sometimes they make me sad but i still want them.
Published on
April 25, 2009 in
Art.
Tags: crafts.
This young school girl in a red plaid dress is finally ready for adoption. Please see her page for more details and photos. You can click each image to view it larger.
fma
I’ve been rather quiet lately because of a few local stories as well as one national story. After hearing about Sandra Cantu I heard 4 different case in my city where 4 different CHILDREN were charged with possession and distribution of child pornography because they took photos of THEMSELVES and sent them to their peers. Because they did this they could be jailed and placed on the sex offender registry for the next twenty years. Two of these children are sixth graders who thought it might be funny to send photos. Between one dead child and the systematic destruction of four others I needed to walk away for a bit. So that’s why I’ve been quiet lately. Now onto Saundra Cantu.
The news said Sandra Cantu was raped before she was killed, stuffed in a suitcase then tossed in a pond. When I read it my own experiences were shamefully validated. I figure the public now knows a tiny bit about female to female sexual abuse and assault. I know many people thought to themselves, “How did she rape her?” They might have thought it wasn’t possible. This one story known across the country and perhaps further gives the average person a bit of insight where they once didn’t have or want any.
While the news validates female to female abuse stories I’m bothered that many shows report the case with near sympathy for the accused. What I mean is they concentrate on how tearful she is during proceedings. As a matter of fact my local news person turned her head to the side in a rather emotional way when reporting Huckaby’s tears. In addition her guilt has been questioned because she is a mother with a daughter the age of Sandra as if somehow a mother wouldn’t hurt her child’s friend. What I’m getting at is this, questions, excuses and “rationalizations” arise that normally wouldn’t simply because the accused murderer and rapist is female. If this were a man we wouldn’t think twice about guilt or innocence. We’d be rightly disgusted and terribly disinterested because of how common it is. Truth be told, Sandra would not get the amount of news footage she’s getting had her assailant been male. This is wrong in every way. Equal prosecution for offenders, equal coverage for victims of all economic levels. No free passes. No excuses.
Continue reading ‘Female Sex Offenders’
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