Like clock work I have an attitude Monday and Wednesday (therapy days). My living situation allows me to be borderline combative if anyone should have the nerve to speak to me. If I don’t want to talk to my roommates on those days I don’t have to. I don’t need to put dinner on the table for anyone but myself and I don’t need to put on a smile to keep from upsetting people around me. Nope, I have space to be as irritated as I want to be. I have a separate entrance, a separate yard and I’m able to totally close off my area from the other two people that live here. They don’t have to see how ugly it can get when I’m like this.
The other day it occurred to me that the animals I live with allow me to live how I want to without having to answer to a human being. Without my ex here I don’t have to have the television on. I don’t have to deal with the radio if I don’t want to hear it. Noise sometimes gets to me. Even the slightest every day noise grates at me including the human voice. I don’t want the noise. I also don’t want to be touched if I don’t feel like being touched. I no longer have to greet anyone with a kiss or hug. When I get up from nightmares there’s no good morning required. There’s no eye contact to make, no loving touch to offer or daily requests to hear. Living with pets means I don’t have to make a lot of adjustments to my daily living habits. I don’t have to adjust my living space for anyone but myself. I can be selfish and self absorbed.
All my bad habits and out dated coping skills go without criticism from my animals. They offer no guilt associated with cutting, they offer no sighs or protests when I add too much sour cream to my tacos. Nope, they just hope for a tiny taste. I can do whatever I want with them here with no consequences.
The cats don’t tell me to shave my legs, they just politely include me in their cleaning rituals. I shake them off and there’s no harm done. They won’t remind me that it’s important to take my medication or to get enough sleep. They won’t hound me to go outside and let the sun hit my face. My babies will snuggle with me as long as I lay in bed but they will not ever tell me to get my lazy self up and clean the house. They’re pretty much game for whatever which lets me shirk responsibilities without guilt. I can sleep next to a human size dog without the difficulties of an actual human. I can tell him to get off the bed without damaging our relationship. I don’t have to keep my anxiety in check or always keep myself under control to keep peace in my house because I’m the only human back here.
Sometimes my animals provide a cop out for companionship as well as self control and common courtesy. They allow me a certain amount of company without many sacrifices and without the burden of seeking healthier human connections. A more balanced way for me would be to have both animal and human companionship but it’s Wednesday and I’m not in the mood.
Austin’s August
On Animals and Humans -Wednesday, April 08, 2009 – 11:02PM EST
Well, as long as it’s Wednesday.
I guess I should tread carefully here, you don’t know my weird sense of humor. I wish I couldn’t relate to this post, but I can. Not every bit of it but enough. I hope there will come a time in your life you won’t feel like this and will be healed from the torment that lives in you.
I have a weird sense of humor too so no worries.
You should see how Beautiful Dreamer and I go back and forth with one another sometimes… actually a lot. I sorta thrive off of messing with her. When I wake up I think to myself, hummm, what can I say to bother Beauty today? Sometimes I can’t think of anything so I go back to bed.
Your sense of humor is welcome here…. even on some Monday’s and Wednesdays
Seriously though, if I’m a bit too touchy I turn comments off of that entry so I’m not able to take things the wrong way.
Austin
Hey now, what’s up with that? Here I am sicker than a dog, checking out a couple posts before climbing back into bed, and I find my name being defamed.
I, unlike some I could but won’t mention, don’t have the luxury of being in a bad mood on certain days of the week. I live around others, and must (for their sake and mine) act halfway civil on a regular basis.
It must be nice to take a couple days off each week, and then when that gets boring, get on the internet and mess with old Beauty. Yeah, I can’t imagine how that would feel but it must be nice.
PS There was absolutely no sarcasm used in the writing of this comment.
Austin, I feel exactly the same way. I treasure my pets for that reason in particular. I never feel judged or pressured by them, even when I do from the humans around me that I know love me. Somedays….I enjoy time alone just with Casey Finnegan Bailey and Blue.
I love my Mike too…but I cannot ask him to get off the bed. I have to listen when he asks have I eaten…did I take my pills. lol…and….he likes the tv loud. I hate that.
Have a great weekend.
Now that I’ve successfully messed with Beauty I can start my day!!!
@ Laurie,
Despite using the closed captions my ex had the TV on so loud it made me nervous and uncomfortable. Now my TV is only now for a few shows and that it. My music plays according to my taste with no complaints. Even with these choices which seem nice at the time I know there are things I get away with that I couldn’t if someone else lived with me or if I had more company than I do. I couldn’t leave the house the way it is without feeling bad about it. There was much more accountability when more people came here. The animals won’t complain nor will they encourage. Sometimes I need both.
Austin
Hey I want a day. I won’t even be greedy. Just one day will do. I need a day all to myself. No kids to look after. No whining. No crying. No need to get out of bed.