These are the thoughts that swirl in my head during my therapy sessions. There’s so much talking in my head I can hardly hear him sometimes. This is part one of two.
If I hide my face I’ll look stupid.
I’ll look stupid if I rock.
I wonder if my eyes are crossed.
I want to throw the pillow at his head.
I hope he doesn’t know my mom.
I hope he doesn’t tell her stuff.
I want to go home.
I’m babbling.
I hope I don’t stink.
I wonder if he disinfects the place after I leave.
I hope he knows I keep my word.
Yes sir. Don’t say “yes sir.”
Can we hold the bear?
Who cares if it looks stupid just sit on the floor. It feels better.
I’m a liar.
Don’t move.
You need to talk so he can hear you.
Don’t forget he’s sitting there.
This is stupid. I want to go home.
I hate that he goes away on Friday.
Why does he have a doll house?
He thinks we’re a fake.
I wonder if my clothes are okay.
Can I go home now?
Be quiet. I can’t hear him.
——-
Dr. D noted the main theme here is self-consciousness. He wanted to know if I felt that way just with him or with most people. I feel this way with most people. I don’t stand too close because I worry about smelling bad. I worry that I might switch and do something that looks strange. I think it’s safe to say I worry, a lot.
In the drawing there’s purposely no colour on the girl just around her. Her head is covered with a green cloth which for me symbolizes humility and youth. The colour green for me often symbolizes youth. The head covering has to do with humility or even humiliation.
fma
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