Today Fife Senior said that I live off of him. That is of course not true but it got me to thinking, what exactly do I add to this household? After searching my brain for an answer I’ve decided it might not be necessary for me to add anything at all. Do I need to pin point exactly what I bring to the household so I can justify my presence? No, I surely don’t.
I can tell you this much though, I don’t berate the guy to his face. Oh, I go off on him on the blog but I sure never name call or dog him to his face. More than half the things I say on the blog aren’t said to him, ever. I think if I did he might respect me a bit more.
Unlike his children I don’t take his things nor do I control his schedule or take his money. Perhaps if I did he would treat me like them and jump when I say so. Maybe the trash wouldn’t have sat in the kitchen for a full three weeks had his daughter asked him to take it out.
I guess you could say I offer the other side of the coin. It’s just he’s not use to the other side. He sees no value in it most of the time. This to me is sad.
Sometimes I want to write a list of my good qualities and give it to him so he’s forced to see me for something other than the fat woman that lives in the back of his house. He’s constantly making jokes about my weight or says he doesn’t want to become a tub of lard. It’s so sad to think someone might see me only for how much I weigh. How can anyone look at another human being and see nothing at all but a number? You mean to tell me my value is weighed on another person’s scale? If I pass a certain number then the person I am is null and void? That stumps me and it saddens me. The thought of being invisible or not counting frustrates and angers me. It hurts.
Sometimes he tells me I’m his daughter but other times he says the most hurtful things and acts as if my only value is when I hand him a rent check or feed him. Who cares if I’m standing in the kitchen next to him while he talks to one of his girlfriends about how he never wants to become a tub of lard. Perhaps he should worry more about being a giant ass instead of the size of mine.
The other day he told me I shouldn’t eat something because of the calorie count. I told him I’d watch my weight if he watched his mouth. He really should watch his mouth.
It makes me sad, it really does. I guess the answer to my question is, I bring to the table the other side of the coin. If he doesn’t want what I offer I can’t force it on him.
The other day he told me I stay home too much and that I don’t do much. Then he came home from work and asked me, “What did you accomplish today?” This is what I accomplished that day: I didn’t use anyone. I met my personal responsibilities without running home AND I considered the feelings of others. Can he or anyone in his family top that?
J of A
You bring yourself to the table. That is good and enough. Besides – you are a tenant and you pay rent. He lives off of YOU. What does he not get about that? My tenants’ rents buy things for my children. I want them to have a pleasant place to live in exchange. I’m grateful for their payments and for the respect, joy and pleasure they experience within their homes. I don’t think Fife gets it. You said it once – he’s got it good with you there.
“Perhaps he should worry more about being a giant ass instead of the size of mine.”
Well, that’s the rub, isn’t it? A person can lose weight or gain weight. But to stop being an asshole? Much harder!
Fife sounds like a child, someone who just sort of picks up what other people think and parrots it (common in people with his type of challenges). As such he’s probably just reflecting what he’s seen on television. A lot of people are like that, they don’t think their own thoughts or have their own values, they just go along with whatever it seems they’re being told by others. The way you’ve described him he sounds like this is what he does. As such he’s just a reflection of the intolerance our culture has for anyone who isn’t white, thin, blond and tanorexic.
The weight thing goes both ways. I lost about 20 lbs maybe a little more than a year ago due to stress and getting sick. Suddenly I became very attractive to men and started getting all this attention. I was mystified, then angered by the fact that being sick, not feeling well, changed me into someone who was more “desirable.” The weight has stayed off because I changed birth control and started getting more active. And it’s strange because I still resent the extra attention. I know it’s coming from a fake place. In some ways I was happier when I weighed more, because I never questioned whether people were getting to know me for me. Now I do.
What do you bring to the table? Creativity, originality, your OWN way of thinking, your OWN ideas, strength, maturity, giving a shit, perspective etc. But you know Austin, there’s just a hella lotta shallow people in this world who don’t or can’t get it. And that has nothing to do with who you are at all. They’re little fish, minnows swimming in the shallow end of life who don’t even know there’s a bigger world out there.
I used to think I could reach people like this but I’m slowly giving up on that. By our age if people haven’t started to get there they probably won’t. I’m just gonna swim along and look for other strong swimmers in life.
hugs
wily
You know what? I don’t have many issues with guys. I don’t have much trouble with having guys turn their nose up at me for being overweight, not the younger ones nor the ones my age. I wouldn’t dare say all guys are attracted to me or even close but I don’t have much trouble with being laughed at or overlooked. When I was a lot larger I did but at the weight I’m at now (a nice size 209) I really don’t have many issues with the opposite sex. I’m not sure why. Teenage girls look at me like I’m a freak but that doesn’t really count. I guess when others have issues with my weight it throws me off because it doesn’t happen to me a lot. Then when someone devalues me because of it it really throws me for a loop.
In general I’m not ashamed of my size. I’m okay with my body for the most part. Of course I should lose some weight but damn when did a number on someone elses scale determine my value? It throws me, it really does.
You want to see me get pissy? Act like he’s been acting lately, like I’m here to serve him and when I’m not serving him I don’t exist. Where did he come up with the idea that I should fix him a cold drink? I tossed together a fruit smoothie. There was some left so I asked if he wanted it. He said yeah then waited for me to bring it to him. He can get his ass up from the TV and get his own damn drink. He asked why I couldn’t bring it to him. That’s when the ghetto in me came out. If there are left overs of mine to be had I do not fix his plate. He may want me to but I am not his servant.
He goes through these changes from time to time and it really makes me want to tie him up and leave him in the basement until he’s off his period.
Austin
The question was asked, does Fife Senior make fun of his other daughters. He makes fun of the one that is slightly over weight which is Princess Fife. Anything else about her is just fine. No complaints about her behavior just her weight. His biological daughter is thin and gets no comments at all not for the good or the bad.
So I guess if Fife turns up missing we’ll all know where to find him: tied up in the basement, maybe with a kotex stuffed in his careless mouth to staunch the flow of his toxic babblings.
Damn Beauty!!! LOL
Did I say that? (innocent wink)