27 « April « 2009 « The People Behind My Eyes

In therapy we discussed what it’s like to be lesbian in this state. I guess he figured some would be okay with it and others wouldn’t but he didn’t realize just how many times my friendships and other relationships have changed when my sexuality is discovered.

First off, I don’t advertise my sexuality or much of anything about myself for that matter. I do on the net but not in the 3D world. Yeah I have a bumper sticker that says 2CUTE2BSTR8 (too cute to be straight) but other than that my car is not a moving billboard and I’m not a spokesperson for the gay/lesbian community. However, if you ask me I’ll say I’m gay. Sometimes I want to go and tell people just so we can either cut the friendship short or get on with things. Too many times a person has discovered my sexuality and decided they couldn’t continue friendship or continue our acquaintance. I’d like to skip over all that and know right away if they’re going to bail. Case in point, I have a new neighbor with a 12 year old daughter who wants art lessons from me. My concern is that when she finds out she won’t want her daughter to come here. It’s a real concern based on past negative experiences.

Continue reading ‘It’s A Lesbian Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand’

One would think I’d be use to this by now but I’m not. I’m always nervous the night before therapy, tonight is no different. Since about 7pm I’ve run around like a chicken with my head cut off. I made two different dinners. The dog ate the first one cause I decided I didn’t want it. While eating what I kept for myself I thought ya know, Salisbury steak would have been better.

I wanted to take a walk but I also wanted to stay home and clean. I wanted to paint and sew. Decision making seemed nearly impossible. Hours upon hours later and lots of anxiety attacks later it occurred to me that I have clonapin. It’s never my first thought and obviously not my second or third one. I watched the Zurich Golf Tournament, completed 2 paintings, walked the dog twice, washed the dog, made dinner, did laundry and dishes all before I remembered I can take medication to ease my anxiety. I should write myself a note: Drug yourself woman, you have that option.

Here is one painting I did, below is a close up view of the other. The full version of Night Hold can be found here. I finally included my mousy bear in a painting. That’s his little head sticking up.