Monthly Archive for May, 2009

In Plain Sight

Published on May 31, 2009 in Abuse, Art, Dreams, Female Sadist, PTSD, Relationships and Therapy. 3 Comments

In last night’s dream I was at a house where an East Indian lady was pulling runes (casting lots) and reading a board. She was also said to be some sort of healer. A group of men burst into the facility where many people ran for protection and healing from her. When the men burst in she told them the place was spiritual and she had religious protection from the local government. The men told her as long as she didn’t step outside she’d have sanctuary but the moment she stepped outside the safety of her temple area she would be arrested. When the men left the  lady began to care for an 8 year old boy with Down Syndrome.

In another part of the building was a kitchen where my mother and I filled our plates with pizza. She searched the cabinets to find my “links”. She wanted to find where I’d written links to my blog, my shops and my favorites. I’d written them on a paper plate which happened to be the on I pulled from the cabinet. I thought if I went ahead and pretended to stay in the kitchen to make sure she didn’t find my links then she’d never suspect that they were inches from her sight. All I had to do was play along and pretend I was there to make certain she didn’t find my links. They were hiding right there in plain sight. I woke up from there.

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Gus and Bear Relax

Published on May 28, 2009 in Pets. 5 Comments Tags: .

I passed this bear up three weeks in a row at my local thrift store because he cost a bit more than I had. The other day at they had a half off sale and I got to bring him home.  I guarded the cart like a mama bear with a cub.

Gus and Bear Relax

Gus and Bella like him too. Gus wants to sniff him, Bella thinks the $5.00 bear was a present just for her. I’ve got news for Bell, Bernhardt is mine, mine, mine.

Yes, the bear’s name is Bernhardt. (insert happy clap here)

Bernhardt and Joy are here.

Austin

An Act of War

Published on May 26, 2009 in Abuse, Art, Soapbox and Stupid People. 10 Comments

I figure if I’m civilized enough to leave them alone while they’re here they could be gracious enough to leave my stuff alone. I came out to get ice and saw 5 oil paintings on the floor!!!! They moved my paintings and got dirt all over them. They moved my paintings which were out of the way drying so they could put a treadmill where they were.   I told Fife Senior in these exact terms, “If I’m kind enough to leave them the fuck alone while they’re here they should be kind enough to leave my shit the fuck alone.” Of course he lost eye contact while I cursed my head off but my goodness!!! Dirt on wet oil paintings. This is so wrong!!!!!!!!!!  One of them was on paper not canvas. It was wrinkled up on the floor. In my opinion this is an act of war. She might as well have kicked me in the gut. This bitch will hear from me. Enough of being civilized and giving her space, enough trying to be nice and keep the peace. Nope. Do not fuck with my artwork! Who in the hell does she think she is?

I was trying so hard not to curse like this on my blog anymore but damn!!! Come on, this is total bullshit to the extreme. This is why I don’t own a gun. I’d be in prison! Had I been here when she did it she would have met the one of me that doesn’t shake or tremble when she’s around. I left because I didn’t feel like dealing with her. When I got back and saw my stuff I was livid. Fife Senior told me what happened. I told him I hope she has oil all up and down her fucking clothes.  She has so crossed the line. Dirt everywhere? Wrinkled on the floor? Seriously? Really? War!

UPDATE:

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He Doesn’t Know

Published on May 26, 2009 in Abuse, Female Sadist, Pets and PTSD. 0 Comments

*comments are off*

Gus has no idea what PTSD is nor does he have the slightest understanding of why I react in anger when he does stuff that triggers me. He has no idea why I ask him to get off the bed because he’s licking his paws or because he took to long to lay down and hovered over me. Sometimes he pants and shakes the bed. Argh!! All he hears is anger in my voice when these things happen. I try very hard to control it but sometimes I don’t do so well.

In therapy we talked about that head movement he makes and the slurping sound as he licks his paws. I can’t stand it. I immediately become furious. He has no idea why. I’ve had enough dogs to know they all lick their paws. They lick them when they’re bored, after they eat, before they go to sleep. They’re constantly doing that. I know this but it still gets to me.

In relation to this head movement Dr. D and I discussed details of sexual abuse by a female that many don’t want or need to ever know.  Continue reading ‘He Doesn’t Know’

Hold

Published on May 25, 2009 in Emotions. 0 Comments

Hold

Acrylic on paper

Oven Mitts and Other Trantrums

Published on May 25, 2009 in Relationships, Soapbox and Stupid People. 5 Comments

Please read the disclaimer at the bottom of the entry first. Thanks

Three weeks ago Fife Senior and I discussed expanding our vegetable garden. We already grow our own garlic, several different kinds of fruit and a few veggies then we talked about adding broccoli, romaine lettuce, spinach and bell peppers. Fife went out and purchased the plants then sat them on the table. They sat there for three weeks untouched. The ground was ready for them and they were past ready to be planted so I got together a few huge pots and put the lettuce in one and one bell pepper plant in the other. When he got home later that day he asked where the plants were. I told him what I’d done. He said they sat on the table because there wasn’t enough room in the garden for all of them. Because there wasn’t enough room for all the plants he didn’t plant any. Sometimes I forget this guy has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Yesterday evening he made his world famous potato salad. The man can cook, he really can. After he made it I went into the kitchen to discover an oven mitt in the middle of the floor. I knew exactly why it was there because he’d tossed it there one other time. I refused to move it. This evening when I went in the kitchen he told me the mitt was in his way last night. He says it doesn’t belong on the counter. Really? That’s why it’s in the floor, I said?

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Oh Those Fifes

Published on May 25, 2009 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Relationships and Stupid People. 0 Comments

A few minutes ago Princess Fife dropped by to put stuff in her father’s dining room. Too bad she didn’t put back his table. She’s storing stuff in there because she’s moving again. She’s the most homeless real estate agent I know. Ah damn, I think someone just came in. I don’t know if it’s Fife Senior or if the Princess has returned.  Anyway, so PF showed up today and two days ago. The first time she was here I didn’t realize she was in the house until I ran into her in the laundry room. When I saw her out of my mouth came, “How did you get past the dog?” The look I got back was, “die bitch, die.” I guess she’s still upset that I didn’t cave to her pressure and tirade of “you crazy fucking bitch, get out of my father’s house.”  I’m getting use to that phrase.

So anyway, she showed up today while I was messing around in the kitchen.  I said hello when she entered and continued what I was doing. Alone she carried in an extra large bookcase, a small dresser and 3 medium size bookcases. I started to ask if she needed help but I didn’t offer. I was sort of taken by the short shorts and sorta enjoying the view, which would have been totally ruined had I offered my assistance. I decided it was best not to help.  Back and forth she went, up and down the stairs with this and that item. I paused and started to offer assistance again but again rejected the idea. A few seconds later her husband came in.  What? I was like, you mean to tell me you sat in the truck while she carried all that stuff in alone? He walked right by me without saying a word. My auto reaction to seeing someone I know was to say “hey”. Not a word, nothing. He didn’t even look at me. Whateva!

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