Since my therapist was sick on Monday I went in today and will return tomorrow. Several times while talking to him I drifted off in dissociation. Back at home I’m easily startled because I think I see mice out of the corner of my eye. Usually when I’m super stressed this way I think I see mice running around. They aren’t but because of stress I think I see them. I turn to look but nothing is there.
I told Dr. D I will put a lock on my restroom door to try and manage the paranoia I have over my toothbrush. I told him about the story I wrote and then about how I don’t really expect Princess Fife to do anything to my toothbrush but I still need to lock that door when I leave for my own peace of mind. All I did was leave the house for 20 min only to come back to something I left out destroyed. Part of my fury is that I struggle with feeling like I invited this destruction because I let my guard down. I should have been more careful and this wouldn’t have happened. That’s the toothbrush lesson with my mother. If I left it out and she did stuff to it it was my fault cause I left it out. Paintings and toothbrushes become the same in an instant and bind strong with guilt and shame.
RECENT COMMENTS