I was scared to death to go because I knew he would want me to hold my hands out so he could examine them. I knew he’d want to check my feet and look at my throat. I vomit a lot, especially when I’m anxious or afraid. I’ve done it since I was a kid which means I have virtually no enamel on my teeth. So anyway, I showed up and got through the first part of the visit then it was time for blood work. My heart was pounding. Needles, argh!!! Part of me wanted to run but I figured I’d look really stupid taking off down the hallway…. oh I so wanted to run. I felt myself go little and tried my best to get back. I got back. The guy who drew my blood got a big thank you cause I didn’t feel a thing, not a tiny stick or anything. He was pretty good. What a relief.
The thing was, I just got finished seeing a guy who looked down my throat, touched my feet and hands (all areas focused on during abuse) then I went to get a needle in my arm. There was so much needle torture as a child that going for even a blood draw is difficult. Yesterday was taxing to say the least.
The first image is a sketch I did about feeling like a big scared kid at the doctor’s office. The original sketch includes a woman hanging from the fringe of the skirt. It shows how anxiety feels like it can kill me and feels like it will cripple me. Not good. The other is an alteration for fun.
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I identify more with the first image, but I find the second more optimistic. Thanks. Paul.
I’m always concerned when I post a picture with someone hanging. I worry people will think I’m suicidal but when I draw a woman hanging it has to do with feeling choked by whatever emotion I feel at the time.
With the first picture all the hanging person has to do is swing the wrong way and get snagged. The child will then trip and fall on her face.
On her skirt are little smiley faces which at the time I put because I thought they were cute. My doctor said it was interesting to see them hanging next to a dead body. LOL
Thanks for your comments here and on the other blog,
Austin