DREAM: An Elephant on My Mattress

DREAM:

A baby elephant was trying to lay on me while I took a nap with my sister on my mother’s mattress. The sister was sleeping but the elephant wanted to play with her. I tried to pet his trunk and distract him from bothering her. I worried he’d become angry and bite her or me. I was quite nervous with him standing over me that way. Then he layed down. My mother got up from the mattress on the floor to take photos of the happenings. The baby elephant then layed down beside me and tried to roll over on me playfully. I thought he was trying to crush me to kill me but the mother assured me he was just playing.

COMMENTARY:

Elephant – To dream of an elephant symbolizes that while you portray yourself as being thick skinned, you are in reality a very sensitive person. It means this as elephants are pachyderms, which means thick-skinned animals. However, though tough, an elephant’s skin is very sensitive and must be cared for.

From the Aisling Dream Dictionary.

My mother’s actions concerning my fear told me that if I got hurt by the elephant  it was only because he was playing.  The threat of being squished was real but written off because he was just playing.  Even if this hurts there’s a reason/excuse for why this happened so you shouldn’t complain about it. That’s the message I got from her in the dream. He couldn’t help himself.

What strikes me about this dream is that last night Gus had to sleep on the floor because he insisted upon standing over me while I was in bed. I hate that. In the dream the elephant stood over me. Gus is quite large like a dang pony. I know Gus is just playing but when he stands over me like that I tend to freak out.

The fact that an elephant showed up in last nights dream is interesting in other ways too.  My mother’s favorite animal is the gray elephant. The dream took place on my mother’s mattress. In the dream the mattress was on the floor which is where I feel safest when I sleep.  Her mattress was never on the floor.  On her mattress we were abused physically and sexually. We also ate dinner there, did homework there, watched TV and studied the Bible there.   Her bedroom was central to our lives. There were many things I pretended not to see, like a big elephant in the room.

I always felt like it was my responsibility to protect my older sister which may be why I wanted to keep the elephant from bothering her while she was in a vulnerable state of sleep.

In therapy on Monday we talked about how I do my best to hide what I feel. I make myself difficult to read and don’t show when I’m upset. I appear thick skinned when I’m not.

I think it’s quite interesting that an elephant showed up in last night’s dream in the very spot where horror films turned real. I think the dream elephant was more than just Gus standing over me. I think it was symbolic of denial I was forced into as an abused child as well as imminent threat for which I had no ability to control.

RECURRENT DREAM THEME:
Abuse, animals, sister protection, vulnerability, trust issues

FEELINGS UPON WAKING:
Depressed, sad, immobile. It took all day to write this one entry. The dream stayed with me.

J of A