Monthly Archive for June, 2009

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Chocolate and Slasher Films

Published on June 14, 2009 in For the Record. 7 Comments Tags: .

Slasher films are usually unappealing to me. I’ve never seen Scream or any of the Friday the 13th movies. I’ve never seen Saw, Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Psycho. I’m not into bloody movies at all. Heck, I even turn my head during CSI when they show what it looks like when a screw driver enters human flesh or what a human brain looks like from a nasal cavity view. They like to do close up gross outs stuff but I turn my head. I can’t stand that, however, and I don’t know how this happened, but I actually watch Harper’s Island. I’m guilty. I watch that pathetic excuse for a show.  I look forward to the show. Sunday is golf day, Saturday is Harper’s Island. Everything I need to do has to be done by 9PM EST or it may not get done cause Harper’s Island is coming on. I even refuse to take phone calls at that time, that’s how bad I am about this show. It’s sad, I know.

Here are my Harper’s Island thoughts. Last night we learned that Abby’s mother and the original killer Wakefield were lovers but that didn’t keep him from killing the woman.  No love there I guess. Everyone thinks the love child is Abby but I think it might be Jimmy Mance or even the groom Henry Dunn. Either way, the Sheriff, Abby’s father (?) or should I say Abby’s mother’s husband failed to mention his wife’s little indiscretion resulting in birth. Tisk, tisk, tisk. Tramp! So now everyone thinks Abby is Wakefield’s daugther. I doubt it.

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Dreams of Blame and Guilt

Published on June 14, 2009 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dreams and Relationships. 3 Comments

I had a dream that Fife Senior asked me to take care of his plants for a few months. I told him I wasn’t sure how long I’d be here. He seemed shocked so I reminded him that I’m moving. He got really angry and told me I wouldn’t have to move if only I hadn’t put my artwork out for his daughter to destroy. I asked if he thought it was my fault and he said yes. I put it out there, if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be in this mess. He added that had I not made such a big deal about my doors being blocked with boxes his daughter wouldn’t have had to go off on me and we could have avoided all of this. All I had to do was keep my art work up and keep my mouth closed but I couldn’t do that.

I don’t remember much else of that dream but I know over all I feel responsible for this mess. That’s off I know but it’s how I feel. It was suggested to me that Fife’s daughter may feel a bit of jealousy towards me. I’m confused by that. Her father is the one who fought tooth and nail to see his kids. Her father is the one who in Night and Shining Armor fashion rushes in to rescue her. He made sure he saw her when the family broke up. He put her through college, he dotes on her, the girl can do no wrong. What could she be jealous about? Continue reading ‘Dreams of Blame and Guilt’

Letters to God

Published on June 11, 2009 in Humor. 2 Comments Tags: , .

I recently saw a photo of my aunt posted on her business website. The first thing I noticed is how fragile she appears. She no longer looks big and powerful. She’s no longer the person I remember who had me cowering in the corner. As she held her fist above me all I could see was wood, wood detailing, a wooden door, and wooden floors. When I saw her photo all I saw was an aged woman with bad hair.

My family is made of the strong work horse type. We live forever but we don’t age gracefully. My grandmother is still living. I’ve seen a photo of her. She doesn’t look so strong anymore either. As a matter of fact it looks like if you blow on her she’ll fall over. This isn’t the woman who beat her children with a walking stick. This isn’t the woman I remember who could make my mother a small girl with a word. She too has bad hair.

My other strong genes come from my grandfather who endured  poverty,  served in 2 wars,  survived 3rd degree burns from the waist down then finally lost his life at 87 to his 9th stroke. He’d been through enough. He had nice hair. My greatgrandmother was the “Matriarch of Pain” who finally died  at 95 of leukemia which had gone into remission when she was 5 years old.  She had pink hair. We have many, many family members who made it to their late 90’s all with really bad hair. So here’s the thing, I know my life isn’t going to be easy. I know I’m going to continue to have major trials and tribulations but I ask, I implore, that I not end up with bad hair.

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Free Association

Published on June 10, 2009 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Dehumanize, Dissociative Identity Disorder and PTSD. 0 Comments

Free Association

The discussion during this sketch was about seeking self destruction to prove to ourselves we deserve nothing but pain and humiliation.

Although the man on the right resembles Jesus Christ it is actually an updated image of our main protector Morton. We take our system name after Morton with Morton’s Pride, as in a lion’s pride. The image across his face is a heart as is the image in the center of the dark figure to the far left. The drawing of Morton was created during the beginning of our conversation when I was less anxious. The very last image drawn was the dark figure. I remember feeling shame when I drew the figure in the middle which I suspect is why the flaming flower was used for hair. I often draw flowers in art therapy pieces to symbolize certain emotions I don’t feel safe enough to express in other ways.

When Morton is drawn he’s drawn short, very skinny and without a shirt. He’s usually wearing shorts in drawings of him.

fma

Chickens

Published on June 10, 2009 in Humor and Soapbox. 8 Comments

Recently in the “What the hell is going on” household, Fife Senior suggested we purchase a chicken or two. First off, my days of farming are over, second of all things are not so hard that we should put chickens in a small cage out back so they can be scared to death or killed by stray cats, night animals and coyotes. No Fife, no chickens!!!

We have a good amount of space here but not for free roaming chickens.  Oh my gosh, a chicken!!! They’re loud, their dirty and we don’t eat enough eggs to justify caring for it/them properly. No Fife, no chickens!!! Next thing you know he’ll want a milk cow.

J of A

Scattered and Fearful

Published on June 8, 2009 in Emotions, Fear and PTSD. 0 Comments

Scattered and Fearful

The discussion we had while sketching this piece included:

  1. Feeling disoriented and unable to distinguish my current home from the house I lived in as a child.
  2. Fear that my roommate will call me by my birth name and order me to get out there so he can beat me with a dowel rod.
  3. Losing my ability to say no to women or set boundaries with them when it counts most.

Feelings when sketching:

  1. Fear
  2. Sadness and grief
  3. Anger

Amy Smiles asked him if he draws and he said no he was never any good at it. Most people think too much while trying to draw which messes up free flow or creativity. Of course her 5 year old self wasn’t able to fully explain that. Amy wasn’t smiling at all today.

Annoyingly Cheerful Personality Disorder (ACPD)

Published on June 5, 2009 in Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

News Room / FDA Approves Depressant Drug For The Annoyingly Cheerful

Positive people don’t annoy me but excessively chipper people do. You know the type -  they whistle a tune as they skip down the street wearing those rose colored glasses. You know the type.  This video from The Onion shows such individuals are sick and in need of medication. They stress that it’s time to erase the stigma of getting  perky people help. I think we should take part in this movement to make all excessively cheerful people normal by helping to destroy the cheer they feel. We should counteract their rays of sunshine with  disparaging comments and attacks on their person. They’re sick and it’s for their own good.  It’ll be difficult but with persistent negative feedback for everything they say, we as a community can assist with bringing everyone around us down. If these measures fail we can always just drug the happy people with this promising new medication called Despondex. Despondex may help relieve symptoms of Annoyingly Cheerful Personality Disorder (ACPD).

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