Monthly Archive for July, 2009

Page 3 of 5

Almost Laughable

Published on July 14, 2009 in Relationships, Soapbox and Stupid People. 7 Comments

It’s almost laughable, the gall of this woman. For those of you who know what this house looks like (I shared photos with a few) you know dang well there isn’t any more room for Fife’s daughter (now called Bratty Fife) to move in more of her stuff, yet she has. Now the fridge is totally blocked off and so is the dining room. All I can do is laugh. I think I’m in shock. This time she didn’t show up. She sent her husband who was surprisingly talkative and nice. Her brother Fife Junior (also known as Eye Candy) helped return the table Bratty Fife stole a few months back. They moved it back in and sat it in the middle of the floor along with the chairs. We are officially packed end to end.

I posted that she asked for her sewing machine back and wanted it to be given to her father who could keep it safe. The machine is currently on the floor with the cover off squeezed in front of the fridge which is as I said blocked by a very large and very heavy solid wood table. It took 2 men to move it and set it up. There’s no way Fife Senior and I can move that table alone. So the fridge is blocked until they come back and move the table.

Here’s the update on moving… I’ve been actively looking for a place to go. I looked into one promising place but was told by management that they have a bug problem. They said they’re attempting to get a handle on it but that’s not good enough for me. I’ve seen the apartment, took a tour and was impressed. The rent was good, the location just fine but I can’t do bugs. It’s too bad too cause that place was cute as all get out. I’m still looking though and haven’t given up.

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How Animals Help Survivors

Published on July 13, 2009 in Pets, PTSD and Relationships. 6 Comments Tags: .

There are people who don’t quite understand what it is we get from animals. It’s something I’ve heard before, not a new thing or uncommon but something I’d like to offer my thoughts on. I figured I’d give you a survivor’s point of view of why animals are so important to us and how they help us. I hope this helps you understand a bit better.

What we love about them is their need for us without judgment. I think we also like their dependence on us. They give us purpose, make us feel needed. They’re soft, they cuddle safely. They’re innocent like babies and children with no ill will. They’re also a target for those who need to dominate or use them for impure purposes such as dog fighting, punching bags or unnecessary experimentation. This causes those of us who are survivors to see ourselves in them and rescue them and our younger selves. Connection with the defenseless and voiceless is a way to protect them and heal ourselves. In partnership is how animals offer help and are helped.

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Perseverance

Published on July 12, 2009 in Poetry and PTSD. 2 Comments

I’m overwhelmed.
I’m tired.
I need to leave.
I’m overwhelmed. I’m tired. I need to go slowly.
Overwhelmed. Tired. I need to rock.
I need to close my eyes.
I float slowly to the back of my mind in the dark and in the quiet,
Where hills made of past memories roll like the tide in the rainy season on the east coast.
Hard rain leaves no stone dry.
With relentless battering, stones become worn, broken and at the mercy of natures temper.
Through the struggle, regardless of the plight of rocks and ocean, life takes its stand and triumphs.
It crawls beneath the rocks and grows a dense, fuzzy shade of green and waits for someone in need.

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August Passing

Published on July 12, 2009 in Grief Sadness Loss, Pets and PTSD. 5 Comments Tags: .

LowTwo nights ago I lay in bed wrapped in fluffy cream lacy blankets beside my best furry buddy Gustav Snuffaluphagus Austin. He had his head on my pillow as always and snored like a grown man. I smiled. Yeah, he takes up way too much room in the bed and on occasion offers up biological warfare, but the amount of help he is to me is indescribable.

With my major issues with sleep he allows me to close my eyes and rest knowing full well I’m being watched over. That is an incredible help that if it were absent I’d .. well, I’d not sleep much. His presence assures me that no one has entered the room uninvited.  If there’s a knock at the door I and all my neighbors know about it. Gus is this type of alarm that lets me abandon my fears, close my eyes and sleep. I just don’t know that I could manage fears of my mother coming back without him. I can rationalize that my mother is not standing there because Gus isn’t going off. Yes, it feels like she’s standing there a but with Gus in the house it’s just not possible. Many nights, such as last night, I’ve depended upon this reasoning.

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DID and Digital Television

Published on July 11, 2009 in Dissociative Identity Disorder and Humor. 16 Comments Tags: , .

Once I was forced by our great government to switch to digital TV I discovered yet another DID anomaly. When I dissociate I lose the signal on my converter box. If I get too excited by what I’m watching , I get that stupid  “searching for signal” code.  I have to remind myself not to walk anywhere near the box when watching TV or…..wait for it,…wait for it… I lose the signal.

I know I can’t wear a wrist watch cause I short out the battery too fast. I spend an ungodly amount of money on light bulbs because I blow them so easily. Who knew DTV would be an issue too.

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A Snatched MeMe

Published on July 10, 2009 in For the Record and Humor. 4 Comments

Ten things people don’t know about me.
As Tricia said, this will be difficult because this is a rather open and raw blog but here goes.

  1. Everyone knows I have no sense of direction but did you know I have  excellent aim? If I aim at it I can hit it. I also have an uncanny ability to catch things.
  2. I use to think Facebook was silly but now that I’m on there I think it’s kinda fun.  I only have 5 friends though so if you feel sorry for me and want to friend me I’m here. Let me know who ya are though in a note or something, eh.
  3. I’ve never been to Canada but I like to say “eh”. I say strange stuff like: Jiminy Crickets, ya darn skippy and Sonny Jim more than I’d like to admit.
  4. Of course I’m obsessed with sunflowers but my second favorite flower is the white daisy followed closely by pink tea roses. Most white flowers will catch my eye before brightly colored ones. Continue reading ‘A Snatched MeMe’

Dream: Making Space and Surviving Pt1

Published on July 8, 2009 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dreams, PTSD and Segments. 0 Comments

The house in the dream was the one from the 4th grade, not a picnic let me tell ya. In the dream the house was on wheels but parked in the parking lot of where my mother use to work. Before I went inside the house to help everyone (the house was packed) I began to lay Bibles by each window so that people could see the persons who lived in that house were Christian and should not be considered a threat to them. After laying them around I went inside and began looking around the house. We still had all our stuff packed in boxes and bags which were piled high to the ceiling in some areas. As I looked around things began to disappear. I’d look to the left then the right, then back to the left. What was once there was gone so I moved boxes in that area to make more room for people to stand. I was trying to shift everything to one side so that we could free up the other as living quarters. Things kept disappearing so I kept moving and making it more comfortable for everyone.

The place was packed with people. Everyone stood really, really close to one another. There were adults and children, male and female packed from end to end in the house. Some held babies and some stood beside teens and younger ones. As I rearranged the boxes they could spread out a little more and be a little more comfortable. My mother watched me rearrange things. I barked orders at my sister who helped. The people didn’t, they just filled up spaces I created them.

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