The full dream is written here.
COMMENTARY:
Before I went to bed last night I thought, man I need a good hot meal and a nice glass of water. When I had bulimia-like issues so long ago it was only junk food I’d keep down. I’d binge heavily and keep it down faster than if I ate a healthy meal. If I ate a good meal I didn’t sweat for I’d almost immediately throw it up. I didn’t think I deserved good food I didn’t break my back or trade my body to get. In the dream when I lived with her I ate junk food but vowed to eat healthy when she left. I think in the dream instead of it being a symbol that I’d throw it up I was showing that I’d leave behind the idea that all I was worth was crap. I think my self worth attached to food was turned the right way. Junk food in excess is abusive to the body, healthy food helps you thrive. The dream started in the kitchen and pretty much kept the food theme through out.
Of course it’s significant that as I left her I could still hear her voice remind me of how horrible of a daughter I am. Even when there was quite a bit of distance between us I could still hear her voice. It’s also noteworthy that the further I got from her the lighter it got. There would be disasters, death and fearful things to walk through and I’d hear her voice remind me of my doom but if I keep walking I’ll get to the exit and leave her behind.
It’s heartbreaking to consider my sister a lost cause running towards my mother.
I stood up to my mother in this dream and let her know she had options which she chose not to exercise. I refused to take blame for her failings and told her we’d be just fine without her. This doesn’t happen a lot in my dreams. I don’t usually yell at her or get in her face. Also noteworthy is my age in the dream. I was a teenager. Usually I dream of me and my sister at our current age. No matter what is happening, abuse that’s physical or sexual, in the dream I’m my current age. This adds to feelings of humiliation as well as the false belief that I was big enough and strong enough to stop her. In the dream I made a clear line between mother and child and whose responsibility it was to take the lead and manage life. What I told her should happen is in stark contrast to what actually happened while growing older with her.
RECURRENT DREAM THEME:
Naked and openly exposed, fighting, food issues, abandonment, blame, stairs, darkness and light, extremes
FEELINGS UPON WAKING:
Tired, like I’d run an emotional marathon. I got up for about an hour then went back to bed and slept for three more.
DREAM: Family Meeting Pt2- Saturday, August 15, 2009 12:53PM EST
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