We in this house spend a lot of time judging one another. So-in-so isn’t doing enough around here. So-in-so gets a check and doesn’t work. So-in-so sleeps all day. So-in-so does this, that and the other which I’d never do because I’m responsible. Why can’t so-in-so be perfect like me? Oh yeah, we toss words about one another all the time. What’s more, we each act like our own routine is more important than the other person’s routine. We even all act like fools (in our own way) when our routine is interrupted.
How do you manage a house full of people who have no respect for one another and who are prone to acting out? How can we expect those around us to manage their behavior when we ourselves are out of control?
When stuff doesn’t go my way I curse to myself, name call in my head and eventually blame the world’s major problems on a few minor people. I then retreat to my cave and swear the world off. When things don’t go Senior’s way he rebels, huffs, sighs and throws things. He then turns to the silent treatment. Those around him are going to know he’s not a happy camper. Junior also lets the world know he’s not happy when he turns bright red, starts cursing, punches things then storms off. He returns to explain with much passion how he’s right and the rest of us are wrong. He’s just trying to be the man he’s supposed to be and we don’t understand this. (gag) He goes through an emotional meltdown followed by withdrawal. When he emerges from his self pity shell we’re all to have forgiven him for his tantrums.
Senior is usually easy going but is, as I’ve complained about many times, a man content to live in squalor. He’s not easily angered, certainly not ruled by emotion or common sense but he’s not physically violent with others. His main issue is he’s lazy.
Junior is easily angered, vocal about his way, impulsive and flakey. I don’t know if he gets physically violent with other people but he does punch walls. When he’s angry he has everyone around him on edge. He expects us to give him room and let him work his emotions out. This is where he and I differ greatly.
I am sometimes easily angered but when I know I’m on edge I GET THE HELL AWAY FROM PEOPLE. I don’t expect them to move out of my way, I move out of their way. I know when my mood is volatile and I’m looking for a fight that I need to stay back here in my hole for fear of saying something I actually mean in a very cruel way. I know when I’m evil. I know the second I wake up if this is a day I need to stay to myself. I know it when the first emotion of the day is intense irritation because the cat looked at me too long. I know it when the first emotion of the day, before I set foot on the floor, is rage because a loud truck had the nerve to drive by my house.
There are cues people, big red flags for when your behavior needs to be checked. Why can’t others pay attention to those cues? Why must others seek out company for their misery and involve everyone else in their unreasonable behaviors? Do we all really need to help manage the ever changing moods of those around us? No, no we don’t not unless we’re the parent of a small child. So let me suggest this, if you know you’re damn ass evil today stay away from people, okay? Don’t ask us to take part in your irrational thinking, emotional battering game and fast ball mood changes. It’s okay to feel your feelings. It’s okay to be angry, even rage filled but please, just please; don’t require attendance to your day of misery.
I have to ask the question again, how will this house ever run with any amount of calm when none of the people inside it have enough respect for one another? I have no or little respect for these two nor they for me. With little respect I find it easier to trample on their feelings and give them less room for minor errors. In my opinion they’ve given me great reason for my lack of respect. Even so, without basic respect it is difficult if not impossible to put their feelings in perspective or make basic allowances for their human failings. If we each feel this way we cannot come to a civil living arrangement under this roof. This is exactly why moving is still in the forefront of my mind.
This house is a vessel broken and nearly ground to dust. It’ll take more than one strong willed woman to try and make sense of it, gather each tiny dust size piece and mold it so as to once again hold water.
Don’t Share Your Misery-Sunday, August 23, 2009 – 3:21PM EST
Hi,
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with such people. What they are doing is verbal abuse and emotional abuse. It is not okay for them to expect you to be victimzied by them and then for you to respect them. I’m sorry that this is going on and I agree that moving would be for the best for you. It is amazing how much calmer and happier the daily life can be when you are away from people like that. I lived that way for so many years and now my every day life is so much better, even on my worst day, I can be thankful I don’t have to share my spaace with those who lack basic respect, boundaries, and space.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
The dog doesn’t even respect them, that’s how lacking respect is in this house. It’s pathetic. Gus listens to me about 90% of the time but he doesn’t listen to Senior or Junior at all, not even 1% of the time. He just looks at them like, yeah, whatever, don’t tell me what to do, moron! I can take the sandwich out of your hand if I want to, jackass! He and Junior wrestled over a PB&J. Guess who won? LOL Gus doesn’t try that crap with me.
When I eat I can walk away from my plate and know it’s safe because Gus knows his little life will end in a horrible ball of fur if he touches my plate. Even when I leave fast food in the car with him it won’t get touched. He doesn’t take my food but he is willing to test the boundary with Junior’s lunch. I’m surprised he didn’t take his milk money too.
I’ll have to watch Gus a little more and make sure he doesn’t fall in with the wrong crowd. The last thing I want is for him to come home with a rag around his head after a gang initiation. I don’t want my boy running the streets robbing this person and that person. He’s only allowed to rob Junior then throw out the Aussie Gang sign which is the middle finger.
Faith