I knew what to expect from her physically. That was never subtle. It was in your face bold, no misunderstandings. But when she spoke she could confuse me and twist my mind before I even knew she’d done it. She’d ask questions when I was at my most vulnerable. I took the bait more than I’d like to admit. Perhaps I needed to trust even if it wasn’t safe to do so.
It’s difficult to remind myself that I had the mind of a child but was treated as if I were an adult. I see in my mind’s eye an adult being abused. Even in my dreams when I’m being abused I see myself as an adult. This adds to the humiliation of it all. This photo shows an adult body with a child’s head and hair style. She’s wrapped in lines and has a fishing pole going through her mouth into her skull and through the back of her head. The fish is swimming right for the bait.
In my art therapy yellow often symbolizes cowardly qualities. Blue is self worth, red can be strength and or extreme emotion. Green symbolizes youthfulness and innocence. I think it’s interesting that her hips are girded with blue and the top of her head is stained with it right where the pole exits. Her shoulders are tented with blue but not her hands. It’s also significant that the yellow in this image is in the shape of a figure standing in the same position she is. I’m not sure if the shadow person is me or if it’s my mother and her cowardly acts.
Title: Fishers of Men
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