Daily Archive for September 22nd, 2009

I Don’t Want To

Published on September 22, 2009 in Therapy. 5 Comments

I want to take a break from therapy. I don’t want to go back on Monday. Maybe, I don’t know. I have to go tomorrow though.

I want my head to stop and I’m afraid. In my head I hear, “No, stop!” I feel crazy.

For a long time I felt like crying but couldn’t get one tear to come out. Now little people and older ones pop out and sob uncontrollably. I feel badly for the two people that have seen me do it.

I appreciate moments of clear thinking. Anymore they are few and far between. There’s too much talking, too much fear, too much.

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Silver Box

Published on September 22, 2009 in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist, Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

Monday, September 21, 2009 – 9:18PM EST
I wasn’t sure Dr. D was going to let me go home but once we got Maureen out we were able to walk out of there without being a ball of tears.
I’ve got to figure out how to get Joan back out. It’s been way too difficult. It’s been too long.

Today is my mother’s birthday.

The whole month of September was spent talking about how much she was tired of us and how I’d killed her love for me. She brought out the silver box with a lock on it which reportedly contained the papers to sign us away for good. In her words, the family would celebrate the occasion by traveling down to Knightstown were we’d be left at the orphanage gate. The whole family went down in the RV to what turned out to be some sort of yearly celebration for alumni and a dance for graduating seniors. We stayed for three days each year which meant I got to know several of the girls there. I always wished she’d leave us like she promised she would.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009 – 12:58AM EST
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