For a long time I’ve said I don’t have an issue with being a girl with meat on her bones … that is until someone wants me to take my clothes off. That’s when I think to myself, oh man this isn’t good. They’re going to be grossed out. I have cellulite. My breasts don’t stand up like they use to. I’m almost 40 years old. This can’t be pretty. The friend I was talking to about it said:
“Well why not?”
“Because I know what gravity has done to me. It’s cruel. I know what I look like under my clothes and it ain’t pretty, it ain’t sexy.”
“By who standards? Televisions?”
My friend went on to remind me that what I see on TV is a lie. She asked if I’d slipped into thinking that fake is real and real is unattractive. She said being over weight doesn’t mean I’ve given up on myself or my appearance or that I don’t care about myself. She said from the way I walk she can tell I have a sense of pride and that as far as self care goes I’ve taken care of what’s mine. But still I was caught up on the fact that I’m not a small girl.
Again I told her, my face says one thing but my body says another and to me that doesn’t seem attractive. Then she reminded me that nature doesn’t make us ugly nor does it take away from our womanhood but forced compliance does. While I have no real issues with plastic surgery I do have issues with being expected to have a perfect body like the women on television. Would it make me beautiful in the eyes of the world if I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to have standing, firm breasts, toned skin, a firm butt and thighs at age seventy? Or is it more beautiful to see a woman naturally age in mind, body and spirit? She asked me, by whose standards have you judged yourself?
This conversation took place only a few hours after I told a different friend with self doubts, “How can we measure ourselves against someone else’s ruler and expect to measure up?.”
I’m Bringing Sexy Back – Sunday, September 27, 2009 – 6:52PM EST
see also Beauty is Only Skin Deep – Our Faulty Perception on Enola’s blog.
My daughter has gotten into Barbies – those perky little skinny witches. I’ve had to talk with her about how Barbies are not reality. Mommys with stretch marks, saggy-post-nursing breasts and wide post-childbirth hips are my reality. Luckily my daughter thinks I’m “squishy” – she says that is good – for cuddling. So I guess that’s a positive? I would like to lose weight – and get in shape. Hopefully in a healthy way. I want to feel better and have more energy.
Your friend sounds very wise. What we see in the mirror is not necessarily what others see. Distorted body image is a more common problem than many believe. And I don’t think small always equals beautiful.
E and Tricia
I want to make sure I’m clear. This entry is about my particular body size. A person who believes he or she is too thin could feel the same way I do. A person with an A cup could feel uneasy or larger sizes could feel uneasy. The point is, I didn’t realize I was judging my body size based on other people and what is currently accepted as beautiful.
I also can’t believe how this crept up on me. I didn’t know I had an idea about myself based on TV or magazines. I figure at my age I’m not as susceptible as teens. I think that’s where I went wrong. Oh, it can’t happen to me. I know better. But somehow, subtly it sank in. It got past my radar and settled in until the right time to rear it’s ugly head and announce, “You’re not good enough.”
I like her point about how synthetic is viewed as beautiful but something that occurs naturally isn’t. Why do we need to draw such drastic lines? Why can’t both be considered beautiful? Why one or the other specifically spelled out by Hollywood and other trend setting, ego killing Dictators?
Faith
I think everyone wants what they don’t have. Curly-haired people want straight hair and vice versa. My skinny sister wants to be curvier and thinks she is too bony. She hates being an A cup. I hate being a DD cup. You’re right – we should be more accepting of who we are.
I hate how outer beauty is idolized in our society, and the media pushes the idea of physical perfection relentlessly.
We’ve all seen the celebrities who weren’t satisfied with their looks, and ended up looking freaky: Priscilla Presley and Micky Rourke, to name two. Soon we’re going to have a race of mutants, people with unnaturally full lips, plastic looking cheeks from implants, and the inability for facial expression due to Botox and eye lifts.
I’m not ashamed of my age, and while I’d like to get into shape I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not being a size 1. So much emphasis is put on the outside that I have to wonder, what about inner beauty? Would I really want to be a 70 year old with the body of a 20 year old, but dead inside?
I’m not surprised that your body image has been influenced by TV. It’s impossible to get away from!
Oh, I know better than to get into this conversation…
Actually, it applies to guys too. If you don’t have a six pack, if your legs aren’t army strong or aren’t the way you think they should look are you willing to show them?
Guys have body image issues as well and are just as susceptible to TV ads as women.
…… and, you have 2 daughters why may have ideas about what they “should” look like based on TV and other kids at school who get their ideas from TV, Disney and the Miley Cyrus’ and Selina Gomez’s of the world.
Faith
Check out my latest blog post – I think you’ll like it. Reminded me of this post of yours.