My self esteem is at an all time low. Having a date doesn’t help that either. I’m so nervous I can’t see straight. After I asked her out (yeah, I actually did that. I never do that) I all but ran out of the store and hid. I nearly tripped over my teeth I was smiling so big. Argh! See, with friends I’m all “cool” and ready to hang out but I turn shy and giggly girly when on a date.
Update:
Uh (clears throat), note to self: Ask how old she is. Always ask how old she is first! Damn, damn, damn!
When I told a few people how old she is I got the standard, “Cradle robber!” joke followed by, “That’s not too bad. Age is just a number.” No, age isn’t just a number, age is a boundary. There are some boundaries I will not cross and this is one of them. I don’t care if she’s old enough to buy herself a beer, not when at the same time I’m old enough to be her mother. I would have had her at age 17 but that’s not unheard of. This is a 21 year old child next to a nearly 40 year old woman. No thanks! Not gonna happen.
Lets get back to the issue of my super low self esteem. When she agreed to go out with me I wanted to look behind myself to see if there was someone behind me that also asked her out. I wanted to list all my faults, failings and occasions of bad judgment thus sabotaging the date. After I walked away I thought to myself, “What did I get myself into? I know I’m crazy. This can only end in disappointment.” Because it’s hard to stay serious about something as painful as feeling less than others I began to joke to myself that I wanted her to sign a disclaimer and waver.
Dating Disclaimer and Waver:
“I understand fully what I’m getting myself into and wish to proceed. My signature shows I am acting in wanton disregard for my emotional and mental health. By signing this document I sign away all my rights to hold Faith liable (in court or in a therapeutic setting) for any emotional damage that may result from extended contact.”
Despite the fact that the disclaimer is funny I really do have a strong underlying feeling of filth and brokenness which isn’t desirable to anyone with a measure of emotional health. In all seriousness I question the sanity of anyone that would be willing to date me. Body image issues aside, I fear it is my mind that will be a major problem and an embarrassment for them. All of these thoughts crossed my mind before I found out how old she is. Seeing as how she’s a child she’ll never get the chance to know that she dodged a bullet.
Can my self esteem get lower than this? I don’ think so. I think I’ve hit rock bottom so it’s only up from here.
Last but not least, if you look 30 or older but are only 21 years of age you might want to start making better life decisions. I’m just sayin’.
Wow!
Faith – not a cougar!
My thought after the first part was a little happy dance – Faith has a date. Yeah! Then I thought – wow, not only did Faith have the guts to ask someone ask, but they said yes (I remember, all to well that stomach dropping moment while you wait their answer), and then to find out that this is a 21 year old and you’re 17 years her senior – wow, that would have been an ego boost too. I wanted to say – you go Faith! You must have been lookin’ hot that day at the store. But all joking aside, that is a huge age difference. I know the saying is age is just a number, but really there are a lot of life experiences tied up between 21 and 30 something. So how did you handle it? When did you find out her age?
I love your disclaimer.
I’ve seen her at the store (she’s a cashier) for several months. I always go to her register and chit chat. Only the other day did I finally get up enough nerve to ask her out. When I talked to her later I discovered she’s only twenty-one. And yes, I was looking extra hot that day. There’s something about my two pony tails, baggy jeans and high top converse that drives youth wild. LOL
um, and driving youth wild is a bad thing how?
LOL
wily
I ain’t a cougar. In my opinion cougar is another way of saying, “old slut on young blood”.
Lord knows I don’t want to have to raise this toddler (21 yr old toddler) before I date her. Will I have to hold her hand when we cross the street? For all I know she’s not even potty trained.
well, she’s an adult…you know legally anyway…she has the right to choose what she wants, too, and what she wanted happened to be you, you lucky devil…that makes you lucky and hot, not a slut!
methinks you are too hard on yourself!