I’ve repeatedly said that my sister hated me and that my mother kept us apart but I thought of something the other day. What if she knew how I really felt about her? What if she knew despite all I did to help out that I resented the fact that she didn’t fight more? What if she knew behind my smile, behind my helpful hand was disgust and anger because she couldn’t be more like me? What if she knew? Maybe that’s part of the reason she hated me so because she did know.
I’d chase kids and pull them off her. I’d beat them up but then go home and yell at her for being so weak! Oh I was so angry that she never stood up for herself and left it up to me. While hitting those kids I was furious that they had the nerve to touch my big sister. Who did they think they were and why did they think they’d get away with it? Here’s a kick to the stomach and a fist to the mouth. Think about that the next time you want to put your hands on my big sister. But I’d turn around and go home angry, cursing and screaming (much like my mother) that she ran like a coward, that she cried and backed down.
Continue reading ‘Maybe She Knew’
This is from the dream about my sister and the rapper guy who turned into a girl. I say the dream was about my sister because one of the things that stuck out for me was that I felt she again failed to act to protect herself or me. She wasn’t there for me. I realize how let down and even cheated I feel by not having her even attempt to be the stereotypical big sister. In my heart I know she just didn’t have it in her but there’s another part of me that is angry and resentful of the fact that it was the youngest in the family who fought her battles (and lost them) instead of her. I think the fact that I was there for her so often makes it even harder to swallow that she can’t stand the ground I walk on and never could. That too has a “but” because I know my mother made sure we didn’t become friends. The other “but” is….it still hurts.
In the dream the rapper girl and I were encouraged to fight. People wanted to see us go at one another for their own pleasure. They didn’t care who won they just wanted to see a fight. It was about the show not the issue of feeling like I’d ignored her. Once she and I decided we didn’t care what the others wanted us to do we tried to come to some sort of agreement. That’s when a character popped in and promised things he couldn’t deliver. I was only slightly hopeful but still hopeful that I’d get this paradise I wished for. When I asked for peace of mind too and didn’t get it I knew the guy was a fake.
Continue reading ‘Watercolor and Oil’
…….I’ve considered it, strongly considered it. Despite the huge triggers due to past abuses I’ve been talking to my doctor about using acupuncture for the Fibromyalgia and the Lupus. I wonder how helpful it’ll be if they can’t put the needles in my hands or feet? Needles up and down my arms or in my feet is simply not an option. My head, neck, back, legs and all that they can work with but not my hands, arms, feet or butt.
Continue reading ‘Acupuncture’
(This is a quick record of last night’s dream. I didn’t do much grammar editing. I just wanted to get it written so I could paint it later today.)
My sister and I sat in the high school cafeteria listening to a small group of kids do free style rap. The boy I had a crush on began rapping and I looked up at my sister with a huge grin and told her how much I liked the boy. The young man then started to come over to where my sister and I were. I said in typical teenage fashion, “Oh my gawd he’s coming over here. He’s totally coming over here.” As he did my sister got up and moved to a different table with a few students we didn’t know. The young man got real close and rapped. I was shy and kept painting my picture but then looked up at him briefly only to chicken out and look back down. He then turned a paint bottle over on my picture and walked away angrily.
Continue reading ‘DREAM: Watercolor Paradise’
There’s no denying it, I’m a huge flirt. Yesterday I went to the pet store to get fish supplies for my two buggers as seen in this drawing here. While I was there a beautiful young woman walked in with a snake around her shoulders. She was dressed sort of trendy with her high heal boots, slim line dress pants and casual blouse. She wasn’t really my type but I liked the way she carried herself. I decided to flirt a bit. As she walked to the back of the store to get feeders she parted customers as if they were the Red Sea. It was quite an amazing thing I’ll tell you that much. Of course I wanted to talk to her but the problem was she was in an area of the store that holds stuff I really despise – mice and rats.
Continue reading ‘What’s With The Mouse Theme?’
In October I was able to pick up several bags of left over Halloween chocolate candy disks. Some were dropped in hot coffee, some were dipped in peanut butter and the rest were made into homemade Chunky candy bars first created by the Nestle company. Here’s what I did. I placed one solid chocolate disk on wax paper then piled on peanuts and raisins. I then placed another chocolate disk on top of it, wrapped it tootsie roll style then microwaved it for 15 seconds. I removed it from the nuker to squish everything together well. After that I placed it back in for a final 15 seconds. When it was soft enough I placed it in the freezer to solidify.
In addition to the Chunky bar, I made mock Hersey’s Almond Joy bars as well as your standard chocolate and peanuts candy bar. All were made by using the process above with the ingredients below.
Continue reading ‘Random Friday: Chunky Candy Bar’
Published on
November 19, 2009 in
Humor and Pets.
In the early hours of the evening I rose from the discomfort of my broke down bed and stumbled into the living room for a cup of stale coffee. As I reached the coffee maker I saw a little gray figure under my kitchen chair sitting warm and comfy as if he belonged here. It looked up at me. I froze. Across his little mousy face I saw the sneer of, “I don’t run.” Really I thought? Well, wait here. I’m going to get the cat. I’ll be back.
The Stand Off: I realized if I moved he’d run and Bella wouldn’t be able to torture the creature to death so I began whispering for her to come to me. The little mouse sat perfectly still, it never moved which furthered my resolve that his life must end in a horrific show of pain and despair. I kept calling Bella but Bella is an untrusting cat who surely heard an ulterior motive in my tone. I wasn’t calling her for loving or a saucer of milk nor was I calling her simply because she’s my good girl. Nope, there was “something” about my voice which wasn’t to be trusted. Realizing Bella wasn’t an option I reached for the closest thing to me which was my reading shawl. Some people have a smoking coat or scarf but I have a shawl wrapped around my shoulders as I sit in the lazy boy re-reading paragraphs in Chapter One of a book I started six weeks ago.
Continue reading ‘The Desperate House Mouse’
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