I had hoped to be able to schedule this MRI on a Tuesday so that I could go to therapy Monday, do the tests Tuesday then go back to therapy Wednesday. I figured after all that activity I’d be too dang tired to think about anything. I wanted to be able to fall back on physical exhaustion but the doc’s office called and wouldn’t allow me to wait until the 17th before acting. I go in tomorrow with the understanding that I do the MRI only and not the other tests in the same day. I’ll do the most important and the most revealing test first then come back to finish up the others but to do 3 to 4 hours worth of tests in one day then come home for a week end won’t be safe for me.
I have a really hard time with holding out my hands, palms up for anyone. The last time I sprained my wrist I didn’t go in about it because the pain of the sprain could be dealt with better than the pain AND holding my hands out. The mother had me hold them out, hold them steady as she beat the palms wit a dowel rod. I’d better not move them either, just hold them out and up. Holding them out to anyone now is great trigger territory. I just don’t want to do this so tomorrow I’m not. Dr. D asked if the doc was okay with me only allowing one test tomorrow. I told him he has to be. I have to be able to live after the tests. When flashbacks get too strong and I feel like I’m right there I want to bore them out of my head, get ‘em out any way possible. The threat of self harm is great. For my own self preservation the doc has to be okay with me doing the most important test of all which is the MRI. I figure since I have to be stuck for the dye they might as well do blood work too so that’s part of my plans as well.
X-rays of my legs aren’t as simple as one might think. In my head I see me laying on the table. They adjust my legs this way and that way. I’m on my back in a vulnerable position. They open them, slip that stabilizing board in there then close them back. We’d do this for several photos. Opening and closing my legs ain’t a picnic.
Before I go to the appointment I’ll talk to Birdie for a little bit. After I come home I’ll talk to her for a little bit. I then plan to put up some shelves in my second bedroom then watch a DVD or two. I saved a buck for myself which will go for 3 fresh daisies to sit on my table for a nice quiet dinner. I can call Dr. D if I need to.
I’ll return to therapeutic processing on Monday but before then I’m not doing jack crap in regards to therapy. So that’s my story plan and I’m stickin’ to it.
fma
Can I ask what tests you have to do where you would have to hold your hands out, palm up? If this is for blood work, there may be a solution. It is possible to have blood drawn from the back of your hand, your ankle, or your foot. They do this type of thing with children, people who have fear of needles, and in my case, veins that are extremely hard to find at the elbow. If any of these would make things less triggering for you, it would be worth it to find out if the phlebotomist can accommodate you. If this isn’t about blood work (or this doesn’t help), just disregard.
I hope everything works out and you do not get too triggered.
@ Battle Weary,
They’re going to be checking for soreness and stuff like that around my wrists. I’m to get x-rays on them as well.
Fortunately I have good veins so I’m an easy draw from the arm. My needle fear stems from my mother putting them in my hands, feet and the roof of my mouth. She wasn’t a nice person….not even close. I’m shocked she hasn’t combusted from being sheer evil. Human combustion has been proven…..poof, mama’s gone.
I know you didn’t know about the mother’s needle activities. No worries and I wasn’t triggered so no worries there either.
@ Beauty,
Daisies are my second favorite flower with dried roses coming in a very close behind them.
Guess what I have planned for December 5th? Goodwill is having a store wide 50% off sale which means their books will be between 30 and 50 cents each. I will so be there. For 50 cents I finally got the book Angela’s Ashes.
I get my DVD’s for $2 each now. The store owner usually has me purchase 2 and gives me the other 2 for free. If he weren’t the owner but only worked there I wouldn’t take them for free cause I know the cost would fall back on someone. But he owns the store and for some reason always offers to give me half of them at no cost. I love it! I just got A Love Song for Bobby Long, Snatch and Breach plus Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah in it. When I get the daisies that’ll be the five bucks I save for myself each month. I think I did pretty darn well with it. A book, DVD’s and 3 daisies for five bucks. Can’t be upset about that.