Daily Archive for November 19th, 2009

The Desperate House Mouse

In the early hours of the evening I rose from the discomfort of my broke down bed and stumbled into the living room for a cup of stale coffee. As I reached the coffee maker I saw a little gray figure under my kitchen chair sitting warm and comfy as if he belonged here. It looked up at me. I froze. Across his little mousy face I saw the sneer of, “I don’t run.” Really I thought? Well, wait here. I’m going to get the cat. I’ll be back.

The Stand Off: I realized if I moved he’d run and Bella wouldn’t be able to torture the creature to death so I began whispering for her to come to me. The little mouse sat perfectly still, it never moved which furthered my resolve that his life must end in a horrific show of pain and despair. I kept calling Bella but Bella is an untrusting cat who surely heard an ulterior motive in my tone. I wasn’t calling her for loving or a saucer of milk nor was I calling her simply because she’s my good girl. Nope, there was “something” about my voice which wasn’t to be trusted. Realizing Bella wasn’t an option I reached for the closest thing to me which was my reading shawl. Some people have a smoking coat or scarf but I have a shawl wrapped around my shoulders as I sit in the lazy boy re-reading paragraphs in Chapter One of a book I started six weeks ago.

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At Home, In My Head

At Home, In My HeadThis drawing was started while waiting in the doctor’s office. The appointment didn’t’ go that well and I found myself way back in times past.

Drawing details: The woman’s face is split right down the middle. She’s divided in time and space. One part of her holds 2 houses and a giant tree which springs from her hair (her glory). The other side of the face is scared and red. Purple sky spills over into her bruises as well as the house on top of her head. I explained to my therapist that the houses I draw have to do with me attempting to process my past in today’s terms. It’s hard to make sense of. The house holds past experiences and new tapes. Somehow I’m suppose to thrive with them both, make a safe and calm place inside my mind with both there. I struggle to do that.

I’m uncertain how to grow tall when my shoulders feel so heavy and my mind is bogged down by unwanted visitors. I don’t know how to do it.

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