Monthly Archive for November, 2009

Page 2 of 5

At Home, In My Head

Published on November 19, 2009 in Abuse, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fear, PTSD and Trust. 2 Comments

At Home, In My HeadThis drawing was started while waiting in the doctor’s office. The appointment didn’t’ go that well and I found myself way back in times past.

Drawing details: The woman’s face is split right down the middle. She’s divided in time and space. One part of her holds 2 houses and a giant tree which springs from her hair (her glory). The other side of the face is scared and red. Purple sky spills over into her bruises as well as the house on top of her head. I explained to my therapist that the houses I draw have to do with me attempting to process my past in today’s terms. It’s hard to make sense of. The house holds past experiences and new tapes. Somehow I’m suppose to thrive with them both, make a safe and calm place inside my mind with both there. I struggle to do that.

I’m uncertain how to grow tall when my shoulders feel so heavy and my mind is bogged down by unwanted visitors. I don’t know how to do it.

Continue reading ‘At Home, In My Head’

ONE

Published on November 18, 2009 in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD and Therapy. 2 Comments Tags: .

I remember this one. The first time I heard it I thought of myself, not of wars with guns but of life at home.
When I hear this song as an adult I can’t help but see the dissociative me, the one who can’t remember things, the one who isn’t sure if she’s awake or asleep but is certainly aware of pain.

Below is what’s being said by the doctor about the young soldier. This part isn’t sung in the song but is absolutely worth noting.

Continue reading ‘ONE’

He Smiled

Published on November 18, 2009 in Abuse, Mental Health and PTSD. 0 Comments

I saw you on the news today.  You’d just been arrested in connection with the death of a 5 year old little girl forced into prostitution by her mother.  Two women in the doctor’s waiting room screamed at the TV as you smiled and grinned.  While they called for your immediate death I  smiled back. I smiled a knowing smile. You’re out on bail right now which shocked them too. Still I smiled to myself. IF you make it to trial you’ll go to prison. They’re gonna get you and that makes me smile. Your girlfriend, the child’s mother, if she makes it to trial, will find out the ultimate cost of selling a child. To her I also send a knowing smile.

Shaniya Davis

Morton’s Pride

Step 1 Completed

Published on November 17, 2009 in Medical. 0 Comments

I did step one of my appointment.  I now have 3 more to go. I plan to light some candles in the fireplace, eat a good dinner and watch a little TV. I’ll attend therapy tomorrow as planned.

Step 2 is tomorrow at 2:10PM.

fma

Find The Black Man

Published on November 17, 2009 in Humor. 0 Comments Tags: .

I love The Onion. They kill me.
Newsroom / DNA Evidence Frees Black Man Convicted Of Bear Attack
“Georgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn’t investigate other suspects. ”

Enjoy  ..  Continue reading ‘Find The Black Man’

The Reflection of Two Little Girls

Published on November 16, 2009 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, Poetry and Relationships. 1 Comment

That skinny old man sounds like a stampede of spooked cattle as he runs across poorly padded carpet
To open a door about to fall off it’s hinges.
I hear it slam and think to myself,
I hate him.

—–

It’s not the slamming door or the way he goes about clueless in his ways that bothers me so. It’s that he reminds me of my sister in some ways because he refuses to say, “You can’t do this to me.”

Continue reading ‘The Reflection of Two Little Girls’

Depressed – Update

Published on November 14, 2009 in Art and Depression. 2 Comments

To Do ListI slept the vast majority of the day away. The more I slept the more I wanted to sleep and the worse I felt.

I can tell you this much I don’t want to get up and I don’t want to do anything today but I will. My to-do list has been written and I’ll follow it. I won’t like it, but I’ll follow it.

Maureen

UPDATE:

Swan and StarI stayed up and ate a real dinner but I didn’t go outside. After a little bit I didn’t feel the need to cry but I did feel the need to do a little painting. This one wasn’t done with just my fingers like the other called Standing Swan. I figured while I had a bit of hand control I’d go ahead and paint. That lifted my spirits too.

After I got out of bed I moved around the house with no real direction, no plan of making my day a success. I just put my feet on the ground and was determined to stay out of bed.  I didn’t even attempt to figure out why I feel the way I do. I didn’t try to process it out or make sense of it. I figured to do so would take away from completing my little to do list. I do plenty of processing and inner analysis so it can’t hurt to put all the “why”  questions aside for a day or two. I guess I don’t really need to always know why I feel the way I feel. Sometimes it is what it is. I feel depressed. For now that’s just what it is but I do plan to discuss things with my therapist come Monday. For the next few days I’ll just do my thing here at home and stick to the short list above.

With a sigh of relief I can say by getting out of bed I made it through the day. Now you must excuse me as it’s nearly 4am and I should return to said bed and cuddle with my fur babies.

Joan of Arc