Comments on: People Watching http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2009/12/08/people-watching/ Sundrip Journals Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:42:41 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Kate http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2009/12/08/people-watching/comment-page-1/#comment-7912 Kate Fri, 11 Dec 2009 08:20:59 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=5627#comment-7912 Hi, I have problems with backrubs as well. I love to do them and find few people who are comfortable with having them done on them. It is good for me, healthwise, to have someone to do them for. I do realize that in the past guys have gotten the wrong idea and luckily did not take me up on my offers, cause they would have been expecting something else entirely. It doesn't help that I have many Reiki friends who are massage therapists and they do that for one another, in exchanges. I think they have good boundaries with it, but that others probably don't, as they only work on one another. I also have problems in wanting to do Reiki on friends, etc, and often can't find anyone who would like a free session, which is totally weird to me, I would so love that to be done by someone else who was safe and had good boundaries. It sure takes time to understand this stuff. I think you are doing a great job of doing so. And asking others their thoughts on a subject like this is important, as you are seeing, they really see much more than you can from your own perspective. Good and healing thoughts to you. Kate Hi,

I have problems with backrubs as well. I love to do them and find few people who are comfortable with having them done on them. It is good for me, healthwise, to have someone to do them for. I do realize that in the past guys have gotten the wrong idea and luckily did not take me up on my offers, cause they would have been expecting something else entirely. It doesn’t help that I have many Reiki friends who are massage therapists and they do that for one another, in exchanges. I think they have good boundaries with it, but that others probably don’t, as they only work on one another. I also have problems in wanting to do Reiki on friends, etc, and often can’t find anyone who would like a free session, which is totally weird to me, I would so love that to be done by someone else who was safe and had good boundaries.

It sure takes time to understand this stuff. I think you are doing a great job of doing so. And asking others their thoughts on a subject like this is important, as you are seeing, they really see much more than you can from your own perspective. Good and healing thoughts to you.

Kate

]]> By: Enola http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2009/12/08/people-watching/comment-page-1/#comment-7906 Enola Wed, 09 Dec 2009 20:16:06 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=5627#comment-7906 You know - I wouldn't think twice about giving a female friend a backrub. My sister and I give each other back rubs. And another friend's daughter gives us all back rubs. A male co-worker who is a homesexual gives some of us ladies backrubs. I never thought, until just now, that it could be misconstrued - I guess because every participant involved knows there is no sexuality attached. If Jr. didn't know that you preferred women, then maybe it would be different. But if he's secure with that fact (and not one of those men that think their sexuality is going to make a homosexual woman "turn straight") then I don't see a big deal with it. Now take all this with a grain of salt, because as I said before, my boundaries and signal-reading ability isn't up to standard either. You know – I wouldn’t think twice about giving a female friend a backrub. My sister and I give each other back rubs. And another friend’s daughter gives us all back rubs. A male co-worker who is a homesexual gives some of us ladies backrubs. I never thought, until just now, that it could be misconstrued – I guess because every participant involved knows there is no sexuality attached. If Jr. didn’t know that you preferred women, then maybe it would be different. But if he’s secure with that fact (and not one of those men that think their sexuality is going to make a homosexual woman “turn straight”) then I don’t see a big deal with it.

Now take all this with a grain of salt, because as I said before, my boundaries and signal-reading ability isn’t up to standard either.

]]> By: Austin http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2009/12/08/people-watching/comment-page-1/#comment-7903 Austin Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:08:52 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=5627#comment-7903 <b>@ E,</b> Yeah, they are screwed up. Knowing what's proper behavior, politically correct, private and "normal" go to the dogs when a person has been abused and grows up that way. It's hard and it's confusing. <b>@ Beauty,</b> So it doesn't have to be one or the other? 1) I could be giving off a different signal with the back rubs 2) We do stuff for each other out of friendship. 3) Despite falling into servant mode I am an adult who has set boundaries with him and enforced them. I don't think in terms of heterosexuality much at all. I say stuff like he's adorable and good looking but there's no sexual attraction attached to that. I can appreciate a man's beauty without attaching sexuality to it. If it were a girl, straight or Lesbian the whole situation may have still gone over my head simply because I'm in the equation. Your comment was quite helpful. fma @ E,
Yeah, they are screwed up. Knowing what’s proper behavior, politically correct, private and “normal” go to the dogs when a person has been abused and grows up that way. It’s hard and it’s confusing.

@ Beauty,

So it doesn’t have to be one or the other? 1) I could be giving off a different signal with the back rubs 2) We do stuff for each other out of friendship. 3) Despite falling into servant mode I am an adult who has set boundaries with him and enforced them.

I don’t think in terms of heterosexuality much at all. I say stuff like he’s adorable and good looking but there’s no sexual attraction attached to that. I can appreciate a man’s beauty without attaching sexuality to it. If it were a girl, straight or Lesbian the whole situation may have still gone over my head simply because I’m in the equation.

Your comment was quite helpful.

fma

]]> By: Enola http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2009/12/08/people-watching/comment-page-1/#comment-7900 Enola Tue, 08 Dec 2009 15:11:39 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=5627#comment-7900 I had similar issues with boundaries back before I was married. It took some kind words of some kind friends to show me and tell me where the signals I was giving off could be interpreted wrong. I think because boundaries are so skewed with survivors growing up, we don't learn then as children. Learning them as adults is tough. I had similar issues with boundaries back before I was married. It took some kind words of some kind friends to show me and tell me where the signals I was giving off could be interpreted wrong. I think because boundaries are so skewed with survivors growing up, we don’t learn then as children. Learning them as adults is tough.

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