At the bottom of my entry I mentioned that I have a few symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I realized a few years ago that it was kind of creeping up on me. The symptoms are very much like that of depression but usually show up stronger during the winter season. It’s your typical list of symptoms:
* Depression * Hopelessness * Anxiety * Loss of energy * Social withdrawal * Oversleeping * Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed * Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates * Weight gain * Difficulty concentrating and processing information.
The depression, which can feel like that of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder depression is the type that drags you down so low you just can’t stand it. I literally walked around the house asking myself why I was so sad. It’s a deep, deep sadness that you don’t believe will lift. You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong but there’s nothing specific to point to saying, this is why I feel so hopeless right now, this is why I wish to die. I kept trying to figure this out, am I harmonal? Am I, like my other family members, going through the change early? They all started around 35. I’m 38 years old. Could it be that I’m going through the change and that’s why I feel so out of control with emotions? I’m not certain but the one thing I do know is a month ago this out of control feeling started which is also when it started getting colder. Now, several years ago during the colder months I put in full spectrum bulbs as light therapy and it helped my depression.
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