Daily Archive for December 11th, 2009

Winter, S.A.D. and Global Warming

At the bottom of my entry I mentioned that I have a few symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I realized a few years ago that it was kind of creeping up on me. The symptoms are very much like that of depression but usually show up stronger during the winter season. It’s your typical list of symptoms:
* Depression * Hopelessness * Anxiety * Loss of energy * Social withdrawal * Oversleeping * Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed * Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates * Weight gain * Difficulty concentrating and processing information.

The depression, which can feel like that of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder depression is the type that drags you down so low you just can’t stand it. I literally walked around the house asking myself why I was so sad. It’s a deep, deep sadness that you don’t believe will lift. You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong but there’s nothing specific to point to saying, this is why I feel so hopeless right now, this is why I wish to die. I kept trying to figure this out, am I harmonal? Am I, like my other family members, going through the change early? They all started around 35. I’m 38 years old. Could it be that I’m going through the change and that’s why I feel so out of control with emotions? I’m not certain but the one thing I do know is  a month ago this out of control feeling started which is also when it started getting colder. Now, several years ago during the colder months I put in full spectrum bulbs as light therapy and it helped my depression.

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DREAM: Tear Down This Emotional Wall

*sexual content*
Dream from Thursday morning 12-10-09

The dream started out with me sitting in the living room of the last house I lived in with my mother. There were 8 people there, 4 on each sofa which faced one another. We were discussing what to do while the mother was out of town on a two week Christmas vacation. I’d set up a rotation of friends to spend the night while she was gone and she wanted to know who it was. I began explaining it to her when she interrupted me and told me I didn’t clean underneath the sofa. I was rather irritated and told her, “You mean to tell me you’re going to respond to my house cleaning by pointing out what I didn’t do? That’s what you’re going to focus on, the one thing I didn’t do?” In the dream I’d cleaned the entire house, washed the windows, cleaned the oven and refrigerator. Her only comment about the house was that I didn’t clean under one sofa. I was seriously irritated.

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