My sister and I were in our mother’s bedroom together. She was looking for something but I had to use the restroom. I went to my mother’s private restroom to go but when I flushed the toilet it began to overflow. At first I didn’t panic I just flushed it again in hopes it would correct itself. Three times I flushed it and each time the swirl went faster and faster and rose to the top faster and faster. I was somewhat intrigued by the swirling which is why I flushed it continuously. Soon I realized it was useless and that not only was I standing in water but so was my sister by my mother’s bed.
The dream then changed so that instead of the toilet overflowing the water bed began to spill all over the floor foamy white water like a bubble bath. Just like with the toilet, the leak started out slow then got completely out of control. We searched the bottom of the bed to see if there was a valve but we couldn’t find one. The sister jumped on top of the bed to the headboard but the water came out so fast we couldn’t see anything. When I got up there to see for myself I noticed above the headboard was a private storage area of all our personal belongings. There were dolls and toys, boxes and boxes of them stacked around this storage compartment. I wanted to stay and look around but I knew we had to fix the leak before the mother got home.
Pretty soon the entire room was filled with bubble bath water so that we couldn’t see anything at all so we began to pull everything out of the room to save it from more water damage. As we did we talked about how much what the mother would do to us was going to hurt. I told the sister we had to get this taken care of before she came home. As we carried the mattress down stairs we saw the mother in the hallway looking out the window. She whimpered a little bit but never turned around. It was as if she couldn’t see us. She was there but not really. She kept her back to us and never turned around.
The dream changed to a restaurant where about 50 high school children sat eating lunch. My mother sat with them and chatted. I got up to go to the buffet to choose the perfect dessert but all they had was ice cream which wouldn’t be good for my lactose intolerance. They had all these beautiful cakes and pies but they all turned out to be ice cream. Somewhat disappointed I returned to the group to see them leaving one at a time, in tears. A young girl walked up to me and told me the mother admitted everything, she admitted abusing us. At first I wanted to tell the girl it was typical she’d tell someone else but not my sister and me but I realized for her own personal comfort I should let her believe the mother had finally come clean. But it was just like her, tell someone she was wrong and receive their out pouring of emotion whether it’s anger, sadness or understanding it all went to her. Every one of those kids felt sadness for me but in their overwhelmed grief they, without eye contact, filed right on by me to cry it out.
The dream switched back to all the furniture outside. At this point the sister and I were scared to death. We could feel the dowel rods which made it harder to concentrate. When all seemed lost a small group walked up and began helping us fix everything and get it back together so that the mother would never know what happened. Two very large black men carried the bed up the stairs and past my mother who was still looking out the window. I encouraged the men to hurry before she found out. Again the mother whimpered. Behind them I carried my three year old brother who was dressed in rags. As we reached the bedroom the men had everything in order just as it was supposed to be. My sister and I couldn’t believe we’d pulled it off.
COMMENTARY: The mother never had a water bed. The mattress was gray just like her favorite colour. The real mattresses were either yellow or tea green. Above my mother’s bed was a storage closet where she kept our childhood. It’s significant that toilet water turned into the water bed overflowing. The dream then went to a place where I should have sustenance but I got none. There the mother admitted her guilt and instead of understanding I was left on my own. All our dirty laundry sat in the yard until strangers came to help us put it back inside. Its significant that those who helped knew we were being abused. They helped us put the picture back together but didn’t help change the structure of it. Some will feel encouraged by the support from the men but my experience in real life is that people knew what was happening and they gave us a band aide fix then left us with her.
RECURRENT DREAM THEME: toilet overflowing, hidden areas, food that doesn’t satisfy, an unidentified group of children having lunch
FEELINGS UPON WAKING: Disgust, humiliation, anger. In the dream I kept thinking to myself but could never say to my sister, “We’re teenagers, are we really going to let her hurt us?” I never got it out of my mouth though but I could feel those dowel rods and kept going forward with getting it all back where it belonged. Let her, as if we had control over this monster in a suit.
FEELINGS AFTER WRITING: Anxiety, anger, a tad bit of bitterness. Overwhelmed so I’m going to stop writing. The message of the dream for me was one of hopelessness. I may feel different later.
Self Care: Wash my face then finish this nice, warm cup of soup.
DREAM: The Great Flood – Friday, December 18, 2009 – 3:05pm EST
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