This is called Three Stars and is far from finished. I still feel like I’m in a creative slump so I’m careful to stop and scan before each major step which is why she’s shown with a white background then one with more color.
(Oil pastel, ink)
Monthly Archive for February, 2010
First off let me apologize to my Korean friends and my Australian friends. I can’t apologize for things said about American’s because they’re true. Keep in mind, this is a dream. I have no control over my dream content. If you don’t believe that please see the dream I just had about a fish lounging in my Lazy Boy and freaking out the cat.
Okay so, here goes.
There’s never enough lemon in lemon cookies.
I watched a Forensic Files marathon today and realized I have no alibi for yesterday.
She was artistic and musical but horrible in the kitchen, however my mother made the best pancakes I’ve ever had in my life. We didn’t even put syrup on them. Today I made her pancakes. So, so good.
There was a slight twinge of guilt as I ate catfish in the presence of my carp. Guilt was burned away by Cajun spices on said dinner.
I have a really good therapist. Thank goodness for this because each morning when my feet hit the floor I think to myself, I’m screwed but not as badly as yesterday.
She said she’d been thinking about me and wondered how I was doing. When I first saw her and she asked for my phone number I for a second didn’t think I could say no to her. For a second I fell into my old pattern. Fortunately I caught myself.
I know for a fact that the reemergence of Blossom means taking several steps backwards. It means beating my head against a brick wall. I just can’t do that. It’s been a very long and troubled year and a half since we broke up. Boy have things changed since then.
I just read an article about how smoking may actually worsen my PTSD symptoms. I knew very well I was self medicating with tobacco but this article makes me think a little differently about the issue as it relates specifically to worsening my main problem which is PTSD.
Interestingly enough the article says that 50% of people with PTSD are smokers.
If you understand anything at all about conditioning and reinforcement then this article will make sense to you. Like me, it may also give you a moment of pause.
Smoking worsens PTSD symptoms, say doctors
Half of those with disorder smoke, but nicotine may reinforce bad memories
from the MSNBC website
fma
Lost - SanDisk MP3 Player
Lost - Relief from hypervigilance
Lost - Independence (functionality)
This morning I got up and prepared myself for therapy. When I pulled off I nearly slammed into Fife Senior’s car. I realized I was a bit dissociative so I stayed put for a bit. After waiting it out I pulled off and ran a quick errand then headed to the therapist’s office. The clock on the dash said I was making good time so I was quite relieved about that.
Since my radio doesn’t work I plug my MP3 player into the lighter socket and listen to my playlists. When I reached for it in my pocket it wasn’t there. I felt each pocket (while steering with my knee) then decided to pull over to check. Because I’d made a driving error which caused a few honked horns I decided that when I pulled over it would be at the parking lot across the street NOT the liquor store straight in front of me. I didn’t want to make it seem like I was driving crazy to get loaded. In the OTHER parking lot I pulled everything out but couldn’t find it. Fear, straight up fear. It was nowhere to be found.
(If you happen to read this feel free to giggle at will)
I purchased a fancy goldfish from a local pet store and put it in a 20 gallon aquarium alone. At first it did just fine but then it started jumping out of the aquarium and onto the table where the aquarium sat. I’d hurry and put him back in but a few hours later I’d find him out again. Each time I found him he was significantly larger than before. He’d gotten so large that it began to kind of freak me out to pick him up and put him back in the aquarium.
One time this fish named Leon attached himself to the ceiling and hung out for a bit before maneuvering himself back in his aquatic home. Another time he sat on the branch of a silk tree and watched Bella who was on another branch. Bell wasn’t sure what to think of this over-sized fish so she just sat there until he squirmed away and went back home.
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