I’m doing this for me

The question has arisen: It’s been eighteen years, does it still feel the same as when you first started observing this day? Answer: No, it feels better each year.

So why do I observe February 2nd of each year? I observe it because I made it out of there. I lived through it and went on to work towards thriving. Too many survivors didn’t make it out alive or made it out with scars that left them without human compassion or the ability to connect to any living thing. I made it out with my heart which seemed impossible to do under the circumstances. Another reason I observe this day is that too many, way too survivors died without us knowing their name, without us knowing their struggles so I take a moment each February 2nd to honor them.

Each year that passes that I stay away from that family I say loud and clear, “It’s over. You can’t hurt me anymore.” Each year that passes I get stronger and stronger and the resolve is harder to break. February 2nd is a moment of pride because I managed something I was never prepared for. I managed something I was told I could never do but here I am, 18 years later living.

“It don’t matter what you can or cannot see
I’m doing this for me”

Invisible – Jennifer Hudson

Seems like I’m not here
It’s like I don’t mean nothing
Like glass unclear
Almost like you can see straight through me
I got questions but no answers
So tired of being confused and I
Don’t wanna stay right here and I
Gotta find my wings and fly

I gotta find me another way
Cause I don’t wanna stay another day
Time for a change in my mind
I’v opened my eyes I’m changing my life
And now I’m gonna live my life for me
Cause this aint how it’s supposed to be
No more standing in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time

Why can’t you see me
Do I really even matter
You changed me completely
And I remember how it used to be
I got question what’s the lesson
I’m tired of being confused and I’m
I’m gonna take my chance and fly
I’m taking back my life

This can’t be it for me
This can’t be all I’m made for
And all my time wasted in this life
It’s my time to shine
No more feeling insufficient
I’m gonna make my own decisions
It don’t matter what you can or cannot see
I’m doing this for me

Can you see me
I know you see me
No more stand in the back of the line
Cause I’m invisible for the last time.

*

Morton’s Pride – Happy Independence Day

My Independence Day and what it means.
How I Came To Be Austin
Legal Name Change Part 1 of 3 Who Am I?
Legal Name Change Part 2 of 3 What Will I Be Called?
Legal Name Change Part 3 of 3 Karma