The first few years when I celebrated my day of independence it was solemn, almost frightening at times. In later years I was nearly in party mode with excitement about how much more life I had left. It’s true, with each passing anniversary it’s significance impacts me differently, in a more profound way than words can explain.
This anniversary I was in the middle of a flair up which meant my skirt didn’t get finished and I didn’t feel like getting dress up. At one point during the day I needed to take a nap due to fatigue which is common with Lupus. I later got up, grabbed a cup of coffee and cleaned the house. I moved about the day doing regular, everyday life things but I did it with satisfaction. “Just because” it was my anniversary it didn’t mean the world was going to stop or that my responsibilities would disappear. As a matter of fact those responsibilities made the day even better because they’re part of the life I have now, the life separate from my abuser and her family. While caring for the aquarium isn’t something someone would do on a day of celebration it is a task one takes on during a real day with other real life happenings. Caring for the aquarium is something I enjoy doing as is doting on my furry creature family. It makes me happy to care for them so to do it on this day felt right, natural.
I chatted on the phone to a few friends then met with one for dinner at Steak and Shake. We talked about her idiotic supervisor and laughed about this and that. It was fun, simple and something I’ve done a hundred other times. On a real day in my now real life I can often be found shooting the breeze with friends. Before gaining freedom from my mother and her family I never did that. I sure as heck didn’t have pets. I didn’t sit in front of the TV watching a show of my choice nor did I have a moment during the day to reflect on my blessings or the ordinary occurrences that make up my life.
I guess I’m saying that what made this anniversary so special is that it was an ordinary. I don’t know if that makes sense. The dinner I had was specifically a get together for this anniversary but everything else was part of my usual day. For some reason that means a lot to me. It means I actually have a life which is something I never, ever thought I’d …. live to see. I hope that makes sense.
Faith
that makes perfect sense.
All I want is ordinary – the white picket fence with kids and a dog. Normal stuff. Nothing over the top. No mansion. Just ordinary everyday life.
Yup to everything but the white picket fence. Don’t fence me in. I want open land where my neighbors are no closer than one mile away. No cities. The closest walmart should be no less than a 1 hour drive. I want very, very rural if not straight up country. No fences just open air so peace can blow right on in without boundaries. Nope, no fences.