Flowering

There’s too much in these paintings to try and explain everything. I think the overall theme is anxiety, rage and  grief.

When Dr. D saw this one here he didn’t notice at firs that it’s a human head vomiting up flowers. The head is tilted back and is strangled by a golden rope as flowers “grow” from it’s open, strained mouth. He said it’s disturbing but very well describes how hard it can be to manage what I feel. He said to keep writing, keep drawing what’s in my head and dreams because the work will pay off in healing. God, I hope so. I’d like to try and do a digital version of Flower Pot. I like that it expresses the feeling of being overwhelmed in an accurate but grotesque way. Grotesque is important since there’s nothing comfortable at all about how I’m feeling.

My therapist and I discussed the hanging people. I tried to explain to him that they aren’t suicide gestures but an illustration of how overwhelming emotion can be sometimes. My thoughts and emotions  sometimes feel so powerful that it feels as if they could kill me. This is not me hanging but emotions strangling me. One of the things we talked about too is how the figure has evolved from a simple dress-like figure to one with hands and feet to one with distinctive clothing. I commented that perhaps the emotions are getting a little clearer and less generalized. I hope that’s the case. I hope things get clearer in my head.

Emotions sometimes come so strong and hard that it feels as if I’m vomiting them up. I used flowers to show different emotions which is my standard. Most of the time in my art therapy drawing flowers (no matter where they’re shown) depict some sort of emotion. Trees are standard as well and usually symbolize me. The house represents me trying to make my past and present co-exist in my head while somehow finding comfort in that same head. I think that’s why the house is usually up off the ground and in the middle of swirls and hanging figures….it’s not a place you want a home, not in the middle of an emotional graveyard.

I think what surprises me about two of these is that there are only a few people in them.

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The drawing called “No People” and “Hometown” have a lot going on but only a few figures in them. They have a heck of a lot of flowers though. The last one is very different from the rest in that it is nearly divided by color and movement. There’s a top half and bottom half, both for me show strong emotion and a divided stance.

In addition to the art therapy I’m still doing the Flower A Day Project. I just haven’t posted any of them in a bit.

Media: All are a mix of crayola crayon, crayola markers, oil pastel, watercolor crayons and gel ink

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