DREAM: Gone Postal

First off let me apologize to my Korean friends and my Australian friends. I can’t apologize for things said about American’s because they’re true. Keep in mind, this is a dream. I have no control over my dream content. If you don’t believe that please see the dream I just had about a fish lounging in my Lazy Boy and freaking out the cat.

Okay so, here goes.

I’d just gotten out of the hospital for minor surgery and walked in my apartment building. There was a gigantic sucker with my photo on it and two letters waiting for me at the concierge’s desk. One letter was from Australia and the other from South Korea. I looked at the date on the one from SK and realized it was mailed to me in 2003 but just arrived in 2010. I told her I’d been waiting for a check for $62 since 2003 and finally it showed up today. She asked why the mail was so slow in S.K. I told her it was probably because the South Korean’s were too busy being humble to get the mail sorted. I then told her I was waiting for another letter from Australia and that it would most likely show up in the next 3 years. When it does it’ll be drenched and have bite marks all over it cause those darn Aussies don’t do anything but surf and hunt alligators. As if that wasn’t enough I explained the best way to get their mailing system in order is to throw in some entitled American who was smacked once as a child and now has a grudge against the world. They can go over there and boss people around, cause work place trauma and maybe get something done.

I decided to call South Korea from the desk phone and speak directly to the head of the post office myself and see what on earth could be done about this now expired check for sixty-two dollars. I wanted answers dang it! After all I was entitled to them! While talking to the guy in charge he told me there was a local representative who could answer any questions I have. When he told me the name of the person I told him I’d rather forget the whole thing than talk to him. He laughed and told me when he mentions that person’s name he gets the same response, “No thanks. Let’s just forget this ever happened.” He then told me the only person that ever deals with that man and gets results is Ann. I said, it figures, that bitch is a straight up gangster. I avoid her as much as anyone who is regularly on American’s Most Wanted should be. We both laughed and I hung up. I was okay with not dealing with that man but happy Ann could squeeze the guy and for once have him on the other end of Postal Traumatic Stress Disorder.

I woke up from there. I figure this dream is based on the fact that I’m dealing with the postal system in both countries. Of course my off beat self had to show up in there too.  But what ever did I do to deserve seeing my face on a huge lollipop?

DREAM: Gone Postal – Sunday, February 28, 2010 – 4:42PM EST