Monthly Archive for February, 2010

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DREAM COMMENTARY: Goldfish Out of Water

Published on February 21, 2010 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dreams and Trust. 0 Comments

The full dream can be found here.

COMMENTARY:

The fish is me. I see dissociation in this dream (me on the ceiling watching myself and my world). I also see me growing past certain spaces in my life. I think I was actively looking for a spot I fit in comfortably. The gender change is a common theme in my dreams and something Dr. D and I have discussed in the last few sessions. I still have a hard time with feeling as if people are trying to take my female identity. This stems from the sexual abuse by my mother and sister where I was forced to be the “husband” who either held or “made love” to his “wife.” For the most part that was my sister who put me in the husband’s role. My mother simply had me be a guy and refused me the natural right to feel like a girl. I still struggle with feeling as if my identity is in harms way.

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Happier Than 95% of the Population

Published on February 21, 2010 in Gratitude Journal. 1 Comment Tags: .

The message from Team Hoyt, “Yes you can.”

This team has been known for years but today is the first I’ve ever heard of them. Today is a good day! I’m happy I know of their story. Of all the moments in this video that touch the heart there’s one sentence that makes me take pause. The father said of his son, “He’s happier than 95% of the population.” Hmmm, imagine that, happier than the wealthiest, than the poorest, the fastest, the most famous. Happy. Wow.

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Poem: I Am Full

Published on February 19, 2010 in Emotions, Love, Poetry and Trust. 2 Comments Tags: .

No thank you to sunrises and sunsets.
Offer to another the peaceful sound of waves over stones.
And feed the masses cake and cookies for
I am full.
I am full.

Let strings and wind instruments lull you to sleep.
Let clouds form your dreams and fireflies deliver your wishes.
Walk your walk down cobble stone paths hand in hand with satisfaction
And take for yourself a full goblet of aged red wine for
I have sung my song, and I have walked
I have walked each step with stillness of heart
And found strength in the light of Your gaze.

Friday, February 19, 2010 – 2:17am EST
Copyright 2010 © F. Magdalene Austin All rights reserved

How To Desensitization Rape and Abuse

Published on February 17, 2010 in Art Therapy, Dehumanize, For the Record, PTSD and Soapbox. 4 Comments

The following 3 responses were to a video shown on The Onion. I removed one persons name because she doesn’t need to be involved in this.

Name removed
too much. unsubscribing now.

sunnstone (me)
@name removed
Too much like the Jaycee Dugard story isn’t it? Too close to too many real stories.
Somehow I don’t see sex slaves,. murder and “sired children” by rapists funny at all. Maybe I’m just normal is all and don’t find these things funny. Give me a few years of being able to look the other way and pretend these things don’t happen, then I’ll give videos like this 5 stars.
Thank you for your voice too. May you always know right from wrong. This is wrong!

SeriousPieEnthusiast
@sunnstone shut up faggotass nigger

Here’s the video that sparked the above responses.

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The Focus of Attention

Published on February 16, 2010 in Abuse and Trust. 0 Comments

(blog carnival subject)

We didn’t celebrate birthdays a child but if I did I think I would be offended by such a display of love and positive attention. There would be balloons and cake, punch and potatoes chips. There would be burgers grilling outside as my cousins ran around in party hats blowing those obnoxious horns. What I just described is a typical scene from the movies, the only reference I have to birthday parties. If you take that example then add my family in there the only thing one could feel is frightened. Besides, I don’t believe I’d feel special at all. While everyone looks dead at me and sings that infamous song out of tune I doubt I’d feel anything but exposed. We’re talking about the family that hurt me as much as inhumanly possible and they’re all focusing on me. I think I would have been frightened by it.

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Famous African-Americans with a Disability

Published on February 15, 2010 in Abuse, Depression, Emotional abuse, Mental Health and PTSD. 4 Comments Tags: , .

It’s important for human beings to connect and feel as if they belong. We want to know we aren’t alone and that what we’re going through doesn’t separate us from the rest of our peers. I believe this is why lists of famous people with disabilities are compiled. Since its Black History Month I decided to gather a list of African-Americans who have reported a disability or were a victim of sexual assault. As I gathered names and diagnosis I came upon several male survivors who are not black but I felt compelled to list them.

My lists include people we see on the big screen, in the news room, on the football field and in music halls. They are famous faces that fit in the crowd with no mark on their forehead saying, “I’m Bipolar” or “I’m Schizophrenic”. There are no scarlet letters written on the chest of these men and women marking them as abuse or rape survivors. Instead we see there faces and connect them with accomplishment. If we can see accomplishment in them maybe we can see it in ourselves.

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Caption Me

Published on February 15, 2010 in Humor. 6 Comments Tags: .

grant me the serenity cause Ima kill the chick with the camera

Have at it, caption this photo. Full appreciation can be had when you increase the shot.