Daily Archive for March 2nd, 2010

Blinded

Published on March 2, 2010 in Anger, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Grief Sadness Loss, Relationships and Trust. 1 Comment

I’ve mentioned that I’m in a creative rut right now and that my artistic well is pretty much dried up. I also said that my self esteem is a huge block for me right now. I decided to write a few thoughts about painting, sewing and other forms of creativity.

When I paint or draw I am at my freest. I have few inhibitions and will take color and composition risks. I take risks in art but avoid them in real life. Man I’m not a risk taker, sheshh but in art work I’ll cross lines I was taught to observe and do it with no real concern as to if it turns out good or not. I mostly enjoy the journey but in real life I avoid risks like the plague.

Right now I feel bound and blinded by self doubt.  I’ve painted for too long to say “I can’t.”  Self criticism prevents me from seeing that I can. When my sight is limited progress suffers. Nothing gets out or in, including creativity.

Continue reading ‘Blinded’

The Hope Agenda

Published on March 2, 2010 in Depression, Emotions, Mental Health, Secrets and Confessions and Trust. 3 Comments
  1. I hope to one day accept success the way I do failure.
  2. I hope one day I’ll be able to take a few risks and not plan my every step.
  3. I hope I won’t feel physical pain to this degree for the rest of my life.
  4. I hope to feel clean when I step out of the shower.
  5. I hope for a shower where no tears are shed.
  6. I hope to walk with my head up because I mean it not because that’s what I was trained to do.
  7. I hope to one day wake up happy with someone I’ve slept beside for years and years.
  8. I hope to feel comfortable in my own skin
  9. To feel safe with being loved
  10. and to love myself the way I love my neighbors.

I hope, because lack of hope is terminal.
Continue reading ‘The Hope Agenda’