I’m not sure why it makes me sad but it does. I’ve seen her several times and had lunch with her a few times at the University. I guess to get a letter from her via email today was more moving than I expected it to be. I literally brought me to tears.
Today I slept through therapy. I went to bed earlier than usual but wasn’t able to sleep due to extreme pain. I finally fell asleep around 9am and slept until 4:45PM. I woke when the phone rang. It was a friend calling to tell me she missed me a lot and that she loves me. She said she’d been thinking about me. It was hard to hear anyone’s voice at all because I just woke from a bad dream. I called my therapist to tell him I was sorry I missed my appointment. He wasn’t available. I’ll see him on Monday.
The dream I woke from was me in a cave being held hostage. I escaped once through a small tunnel but was captured and sent back. I crawled through a long, very dark concrete tunnel into an open space where my sister slept. She refused to try and escape. She’d given up and simply lay there. She wasn’t surprised to see I was captured. She didn’t even look up at me, she uncovered her eyes, said “hey” and covered them again as she lay on her back in a makeshift bed. I mentioned something about not being able to find my boots while I was up top. Up top was where everyone else lived, she and I lived below. That’s what we called it, up top and below.The dream was depressing to say the least.
The lady I lived with my sophomore year in high school also had a second child that lived with her. Turns out the young girl that lived there also has DID. I caught back up with her several years ago. We ran into one another in the hospital, in a trauma center. We kept in touch for a little while but haven’t spoken in years. The family I use to live with took in one more teen after me and the other young girl. Now they have three children of their own so they stopped taking in kids. What a blessing that family is to everyone on this earth. They’ve made an impact on two people (me and the other girl) that will never, ever be forgotten.
She said she remembers the depth of my sorrow and she remembers my poetry. I remember it too.
Faith
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