I have to wonder what on earth I’m doing? I mean really, am I just totally off my rocker or am I in a space now where I can venture out and not feel like I’m going to crash and burn? For me to even consider walking down this road says to me I’ve made a tad bit of progress in my healing.
I’ve said repeatedly that I can’t date a black girl because it’s too triggering. I’ve said that I like black women a lot (ooooo chocolate) but when I see them I think of my mother and it frightens me. At this point when I look at her I don’t think of my mother. When I see a mutual friend of ours I see my mother but not when I look at her. I guess my concern is that if this grows into anything and there’s sexual contact I’ll end up freaking out.
The funny thing is, I assume this chick has it all together and has her stuff worked out. Ha! WOW! I don’t think I know anyone like that.
I have the same concerns as always..will she think I’m broken? Will she think of me as a burden? Will she turn into a rescuer? Will she think I lied and presented myself as a healthy person only for her to find out I’ve got some serious issues?
Why must I over think everything? Can’t I just ride this out and see where it goes? Does everything have to be resolved before it starts? Argh, trust the moment Austin, trust the moment!!
….stupid, stupid no good moment!!!!
0 Responses to “Trust The Moment”