Exploring Losses

I wrote the entry about resilience in relation to the loss of a friend’s husband to death. My friend’s husband was in the final stages of MS but he also had a seizure disorder. He died in his sleep. In an instant my friend became a 27 year old widow and single mother of a one year old daughter. Her husband was 32 years old. My friend took her one year old and moved to New Albany to stay with friends. I hope to talk to her soon.

I may have written the entry about dealing with the loss and the sadness of her situation but it now applies to the loss of my sweet kitty Bella. About 4:30 this morning she passed away. I never expected her to be one of those cats that lives forever but I figured she’d make it past 4 years old. She’s been sick for awhile. Each winter she sort of hibernates and you can see it in her eyes that she doesn’t feel well. For the last 3 winters I wasn’t sure if she’d make it through, this winter she didn’t.

For my own survival and for me to be able to snap back I’ve chosen not to deal  in depth with either loss  until I’m closer to the end of this flair up. I can’t do two types of intense pain, I just can’t. My body hurts from head to toe and I’m filled with bruises on my arms and legs. My body looks like someone used me as a punching bag I’m so bruised up. So here I am again very anemic and very fatigued. I don’t have a choice but to deal with this but I do have the choice to take a little time before exploring these losses. Taking time for one type of healing will allow me to have the energy to do healing work down the road. If I try to do both now I’ll crash and burn.

I have a small box dedicated to Captain Crunch who died 2 years ago come August. I also have an aloe vera plant dedicated to him. I’ll do a small box for Bella and choose a plant to dedicate to her. I wonder how difficult it is to grow chamomile? She actually liked chamomile better than cat nip so I’m thinking a small chamomile patch would be nice as a commemoration.

This evening ended with a very long, hot bath and a cup of chamomile tea with a tad tiny bit of lavender. It was good.

Until again,

Faith (beside her trusty companion and fur buddy, Gus)

Intimations of Immortality by William Wordsworth

Then sing, ye Birds, sing, sing a joyous song!
And let the young Lambs bound
As to the tabor’s sound!
We in thought will join your throng,
Ye that pipe and ye that play,
Ye that through your hearts to-day
Feel the gladness of the May!
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
In the primal sympathy
Which having been must ever be;
In the soothing thoughts that spring
Out of human suffering;
In the faith that looks through death,
In years that bring the philosophic mind.

And O, ye Fountains, Meadows, Hills, and Groves,
Forebode not any severing of our loves!
Yet in my heart of hearts I feel your might;
I only have relinquished one delight
To live beneath your more habitual sway.
I love the Brooks which down their channels fret,
Even more than when I tripped lightly as they;
The innocent brightness of a new-born Day
Is lovely yet;
The Clouds that gather round the setting sun
Do take a sober colouring from an eye
That hath kept watch o’er man’s mortality;
Another race hath been, and other palms are won.
Thanks to the human heart by which we live,
Thanks to its tenderness, its joys, and fears,
To me the meanest flower that blows can give
Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears.