Dr. D asked if I could think of any good times I had with my sister but I couldn’t. I couldn’t think of anything. There were times when the family laughed (we laughed a lot) and she was there but I can’t think of anything we did together that was good.
For the most part the girl couldn’t stand me, in fact she despised me. She hardly ever called me by my name and didn’t want me to touch her at all until she wanted more than casual touch. She really, really resented my existence. I think she resented me for many reasons. First off I got a heck of a lot more attention than she did because I was sick. I was back and forth to the doctor as they tried to figure out what was causing me such widespread pain. They tried to figure out what was causing the pain in my legs as well as different infections which seemed to come out of nowhere. I was constantly at the doctor’s office and constantly being given permission slips to excuse me from gym class or from this or that activity. I got a lot of attention even the negative attention was focused on me. I got most of the abuse and most of the torture aspect of it.
It was almost as if she wasn’t “bad enough” so she got swept under the rug, skipped over for the kid who could get the mother more sympathy and attention. The mother couldn’t get attention or sympathy for having a healthy child who could barely read but she got it from the poor sick kid who takes energy from her single mom. Boy did she milk it too.
So there my sister was faded into the background alone. No wonder she hated me. It’s another rift my mother put between us. Focus on me, forget her with sibling hatred resulting.
One of the reasons I say going to the doctor was strictly for my mother is because at home when I was writhing in pain she did nothing to help. When we went to the doctor she was oh so concerned and worried about her baby but at home I was left in bed by myself. She filled the scripts but wouldn’ allow me to take the medications nor was I given comfort of any kind. As a matter of fact my pain level was focused on only when permission slips were denied or letters were written to have me excused for this or that activity. Any other time it was a burden to her. My physical pain was there to serve her when needed then swept under the rug with my angry sister when she didn’t need it. That poor girl didn’t even get to stay under the rug by herself she had to share it with me.
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