Sundrip Journals
I’ve got nothing much to say y’all, nothing much at all.
Here are my latest spheres made from polymer clay. As usual, sorry for the poor photographs. LOL and yes the sunflower in blue is hanging on a rubber band.
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I have a few updates on the art blog so go check those out if you’d like. I put up a small painting as a tribute to Bella and updated my Postcard Gallery.
Faith
I look at my eyes and think, my goodness Faith, you’ve gotta do something to bring the light back. It’s been too long that your eyes have been heavy and dark. You’ve got to do something to bring the light back.
Update:
I wrote the entry about resilience in relation to the loss of a friend’s husband to death. My friend’s husband was in the final stages of MS but he also had a seizure disorder. He died in his sleep. In an instant my friend became a 27 year old widow and single mother of a one year old daughter. Her husband was 32 years old. My friend took her one year old and moved to New Albany to stay with friends. I hope to talk to her soon.
I may have written the entry about dealing with the loss and the sadness of her situation but it now applies to the loss of my sweet kitty Bella. About 4:30 this morning she passed away. I never expected her to be one of those cats that lives forever but I figured she’d make it past 4 years old. She’s been sick for awhile. Each winter she sort of hibernates and you can see it in her eyes that she doesn’t feel well. For the last 3 winters I wasn’t sure if she’d make it through, this winter she didn’t.
My personal word for the day is resilience.
Resilience: the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
Power and ability stand out for me in this definition as does returning to the original state of being. I don’t mean I need to return to being one person because I don’t know what that means. I told someone the other day that while I wish for integration it’s much like someone who feels the grass is greener on the other side. Heck, I may get over there (in the world of singletons) and think, “Get me out of here! I don’t like this shade of green!” The original form I’m talking about is the person I was born to be. That person still exists but is hard pressed to breathe under all this gunk. I need to get her unearthed and let her live in today, let her stand up from her bent (but unbroken) position.
The best way for me to be resilient is to practice my coping skills and make them a part of my life, not just words on a piece of paper. I also need to let myself grow and make opportunities for personal growth.
Resilience is my word for the day and my goal for the day.
fma
I heard so many one line commands about who I shouldn’t trust but you never told me when its okay to trust.
Never trust a man when he tells you he loves you. He just wants to sleep with you.
Never trust anyone who says “trust me.”
When is it okay to believe a man who says “I love you?” Exactly when is it okay to trust at all? Please tell me, how did you summate the trustworthiness of a complete gender into one single sentence?
My therapist and I discussed the theory of Basic Trust as explained by Erik Erikson. Erikson says that a child learns trust from his caregivers. He trusts that when he’s held he won’t be dropped. He trusts when he’s hungry he’ll be fed, comforted when he’s ill and have his needs cared for. This foundation of trust if healthy can lead to a healthy trust and outlook of the world. We take trust lessons from very early on and apply what we’ve learned to the world around us. Dr. D remarked that when my mother violated me she also damaged my Basic Trust which I then took into the world and based everything on these early lessons.
What I took from our conversation was that the earlier we treat our children with care and concern the better. From infancy we start to learn and we take those lessons with us out into the world. I can say with certainty, everything I know about mistrust I learned from my mother.
***comments are off***
I was on my way home from therapy and in decent shape. I wasn’t overly dissociative nor was I overly stressed so I figured I’d stop off at DAV because after all it was dollar Monday. I wondered what sort of treasures I might find. Since I forgot my wallet at home I abandoned my treasure hunt and headed straight home. Before I could get home I’d have to cross the railroad tracks. I could see up ahead the red lights flashing warning of a coming train so I slowed my speed appropriately. I was breathing slowly, almost in a content sort of way. Normally one would desire that but in no way were my thoughts peaceful or joyful. I pulled off to the side in the parking lot of a paint supply store and got out of the car. I lit a cigarette and let the train pass by. After it was no where in sight I got back in my car and went home, alive.
See also the Directory for a listing of all pages under the name SUNDRIP.
Galleries on the SUNDRIP - Art for Life website
FAQ and Info
Innocence Gallery
The Pretty Picture Gallery
The Fantasy Gallery
The Visionary Gallery
Women of Strength
Faceless Beauty
Postcard Gallery
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