At about midnight on Thursday there was a huge thunderclap followed by lightening which took out the electricity for a short while. We got that back rather quickly but I didn’t get my cable, phone and internet back until about 4pm Sunday evening. I thought I’d be broken up about it but I wasn’t really. It was very quiet around here, what’s new right? But I didn’t have as much of an issue as I thought I would. Maybe part of that has to do with the fact that I had a date on Friday and a date Sunday evening.
Those two days I spent talking to someone with whom I have a lot in common. I thought I wanted to a girlfriend but I realized I’m not ready. I thought I was but I’m not. I let her know right away that I won’t be able to be anything but a friend because at this point I’ll send mixed messages that she is sure to misinterpret. I didn’t realize just how hurt I still am about Blossom. I think once I found someone who I’m actually compatible with the whole issue of trust, fidelity and mental health came back fast. Now, I’ve dated a few girls that I knew weren’t right for me. I went out with them and had few issues if any because I never saw them as someone I’d actually stay with. This chick has positives that I like a lot but when I think of her I just want to get in a ball and cry. The thought of being attached to someone feels smothering already. I already want to run. She’s expressed her interest which is why we went out but I’m scared and I realize I’m not ready.
Maybe one of the reasons I took no telephone, net or TV so well is that I had my mind elsewhere.
This evening we spent a little bit at my house painting together. That was really cool. I like painting with others.
I don’t have therapy again until Wednesday. I sure could use a session.
We’ve had spotty electricity today so if I disappear for a few days it’s because of the storms.
Austin
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