Monthly Archive for May, 2010

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Confusion and Past Mistakes

Published on May 21, 2010 in Anger, Art Therapy, Borderline Personality Disorder, Emotions, Relationships and Trust. 0 Comments

I know this amount of confusion. I’ve felt this type of mistrust before both of myself and the other person. I know this feeling very well.

When I begin to second guess myself, when my mind goes blank, when I feel as if I have no voice, when I begin to take any kind of treatment I’m reminded of one major relationship in my life. It’s one of those relationships some might feel I’m better off forgetting but in my opinion its a reminder of what to avoid. Since the memory of it has to be here I might as well use it as a signal, a warning sign.

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Fishy Ramblings

Published on May 18, 2010 in Gratitude Journal and Pets. 0 Comments

I’m obsessed. I admit it. I’m totally obsessed. It’s just that they’re so relaxing and beautiful.

Today I found a school that wanted to take in the tree frog tadpole so I gave him to them to care for. He’s now in a 1st grade science classroom being watched over by a professional and her students. I feel good about that cause I would have killed the darned thing. He’s about a year old and has a great chance of reaching adulthood as long as he’s not in my home.

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Those Random Things

Published on May 18, 2010 in Art, Depression, Emotions, Pets, Relationships, Therapy and Trust. 4 Comments

I’m concerned about my therapist missing so many appointments. I think this is one of the first times I’ve truly felt concerned about him treating me.

I’m doing better with my sinus stuff.

The rain is kicking my butt and making physical pain worse. I hope the sun comes out soon and stays that way.

I’m so about to get dreadlocks. It’s time, past time!!!! The kind I want are the twist dreads like this young lady here. Other photos that are like dreads I want are of stars. May I please have Tracie Thoms hair (she’s from Cold Case).  Can a sister get her hair done like Lauryn Hill  so she can mature into into Toni Morrison? Can I do this please? I think I can. I think I shall.

I have a gray tree frog tadpole. A photo of this type of tadpole can be seen here. He has never been in the wild so it’s not like I can put him in a creek and expect him to be okay. Now I’m sort of at a loss as to what to do with him. I know what to do with the Ghost Shrimp but what on earth should I do with the tadpole?

I need to use a larger tank than my 5 gallon so I can house the 2 Mystery Snails with one Ghost Shrimp and 6 mollies properly. They’re in a very temp home now which is way too small for them.

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Changes, I hope!

Published on May 16, 2010 in For the Record. 7 Comments

I hope to have this new template very soon. Watch for the change and expect a few snags. Here’s what I hope to have in a few short days.

Notepad-preview in Notepad Chaos: A Free WordPress Theme

The two best places to find this template are at Notepad Chaos and Smashing Magazine.

Here’s a working view of it from the Notepad website.

I can’t wait. Coming Soon to a dissociative near you.
fma

Noémie, The Pond Snail

Published on May 15, 2010 in Pets. 2 Comments

Did you know that pond snails give live birth? Yup. I woke this morning to 3 pea size baby snails all courtesy of Noémie, The Black Japanese Trapdoor pond snail.

I started out with a few mystery snails but decided against using them in my aquarium because of the potential for overpopulation. The ever so informative pet store person said concerning Apple Snails/Mystery Snails, “With the size of your aquarium you can purchase 10 of these.”  WTF? Are you on crack? Thank God I did research before taking her horrible advice. Can you imagine what the tank would look like if I’d added 10 hermaphrodite snails capable of self-fertilization? Oh my goodness! That’s not good! They’d have taken over my tank in a heartbeat.

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Hatred Is Not Easier Than Love

Published on May 13, 2010 in Anger, Art Therapy, Dehumanize, Fear, Female Sadist and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

Whomever decided it’s easier to hate than to love must have never truly felt hatred. Whomever decided its easier to be angry than to accept joy must have never truly felt angry or anguish. This is not easy. At this point I’d give my right arm to not feel this kind of hatred and this kind of anger. Just like with love, this type of hatred and anger is all consuming. I feel it when I wake up, when I walk across the floor, when I look at the TV or the PC screen I feel it. I’m not getting anywhere with this. I’m stuck. It feels like it’s getting worse.

A few days ago I turned the TV on and saw a commercial for a new episode of CSI:Miami where a young girl was abused by her mother. The mother yelled at the girl, “If you want to act like an animal I’ll treat you like one.” She then grabbed her head and shoved it into a dog’s bowl on the kitchen floor. Where did they get my family’s private home videos?

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He Wins Father of the Year

Published on May 13, 2010 in Gratitude Journal. 0 Comments Tags: .

I thought it was hilarious when Pres Obama threatened the lives of  teenage stars but I’m downright in awe at what this father did for his son to save his life during a car crash in Australia.

He took the full hit sparing his son from any harm at all. This is father of the year doing “whatever it takes” . Bravo!!!

fma